This might be an odd question but something we struggle with and it brings up a lot of fear. Basically last July my grandma was very assertive in the most rude way possible. I think she felt like she needed to assert dominance but she accused my mom of throwing away her things (untrue) and said nasty things to my mom. Eventually my mom found a way to reassure her and calm her and when fourth of July came around my mom asked her if it was ok with her if we had a small 4 of July get together. It is her house but we live with her & we do everything for her. It’s a holiday we enjoy and we deserve some relaxing fun. Anyway the day comes around and she’s so upset and completely forgets she allowed it. We were quiet and just had a bbq but she hurled insults and it kind of left a bitter taste in our mouths. This year around this time she isn’t as bad off. She’s more compliant but I know still untrusting & we keep trying to tell ourselves that it’s the dementia and we’re doing everything right. But we haven’t told her that we’ll have a small amount of people over just to bbq. If the topic comes up and she gets defensive, how can we address it & handle it. We feel we’ve got the right to live our lives and have fun once in a while? Has anyone ever had a similar situation like this? Any advice? :(
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If you do decide to have your party, go into it understanding that Grandma may cause an uncomfortable scene. And yes, it is the dementia. Maybe assign one family member to keep an eye on her and if they see her starting to meltdown, have them take her to her room and sit with her a while until she calms down.