Has anyone tried to convince parents to move to IL or AL and they are suggesting moving to an apartment instead?

Abby2018, I remember back when my Dad had a great idea... sell the house which had a lot of stairs for he and my Mom to manage.... and buy an one level house.

Ok, good idea, but my parents where in their early 90's at that time. Ramblers were not common in my area. I tired to get them to view a nice 55+ apartment complex that had a separate Assisted Living building if they should ever need it, showed them a brochure, but was told "maybe in a few years"... [rolling eyes].

If you can convince your folks to move to a 55+ apartment community now, they can create friendships with the other residents, and believe me, that can come in handy should there be a serious illness down the road. Friends to lean on are important. Plus your folks would have a lot of time to learn their way around, and to know the Staff. Such communities have on-site banks, beauty salon/barber, gift shop, gyms, indoor pools, several restaurants, and even a doctor's office. Of course, the condo fee would be expensive so it depends on if your parents could budget for that cost.

My Dad moved to a smaller place for Independent Living that had 3 floors, and a separate Assisted Living and Memory Care building. Dad had a really nice and roomy 2 bedroom apartment with full size kitchen. The rent included weekly housekeeping and weekly linen service, plus meals in the restaurant. Heck, it was so nice, I wanted to sign up :)

You know when you're moving a really heavy piece of furniture and it takes quite some manoeuvring? This corner, that corner, wiggle, shove...

I should look on your parents' proposal as a distinct, positive wiggle. It's a start.

The $3.5K they'd "save" would vanish pretty quickly once you start adding up the cost of services, not to mention the potential cost attached to the extra risks they'd be running. It shouldn't, with a bit of homework, be too difficult to draw up a comparative schedule of costs and show them that the real savings, in the end, would not be worth the inconvenience and lack of support options.

What counterproposals do you have to offer them? Is there an "ideal" facility you have in mind that you could do a direct comparison with?

You're right, anyway, to seize on this opportunity to encourage them and use it to steer them a little bit further. Good luck, let's hope it bears fruit :)

Congratulations on their acceptance of some sort of move! If your a Dad still has good reasoning ability, maybe an actual visit to the high rise might convince him it might be only a very short term solution. Have them navigate the schlep from an actual parking spot to the door, up the elevator and into an apartment unassisted. Does this place have a restaurant they would eat at daily, (and pay $$ for) or would they be grocery shopping and preparing their own meals? More schlepping. Driving to dr appointments. More schlepping. With mobility issues all this is going to be a struggle. After a trial run so to speak, ask him realistically how long he thinks this would be manageable. And then what? Another move down the line, and mom with dementia having to become familiar with another place? Yes, it may save money in the short term, but if they can afford IL or AL, it will be such easier and safer for them. Ask him if cleaning the car off in winter and driving to the doctor or store sounds like fun to him, when he could be taking the facility transportation. Moving to the high rise they’d/you’d be going through a whole lot of work, for not a lot of gain, and doing it again. As my DH says, don’t sub-optimize an opportunity.

Thanks for that.....my gut feeling as well.

This may sound a bit cynical but here’s what will probably happen:

Your folks will move to the high rise but it won’t last long cause there will be a crisis soon where one or both need to be in a facility. Then you and sis will be stuck with lease/money issues, car, furniture and god knows what else.

my mom was still WITH IT a little bit at 85, she could understand my reasoning about them moving but she was not about to let one damn thing change. Including having anyone in her house to help. THOSE PEOPLE STEAL YOU BLIND!

I gave up on arguing, sweet talking, and begging my folks to to move to assisted living. The big crisis finally hit and off they went kicking and screaming to assisted living. And yes, I had a house, land, car, tractors and god knows what to deal with.

our stories are pretty typical I think.

there is no magic bullet or easy answer for this situation. My only advice is to steer them in the right direction as much as you can. I would not encourage the move to this hi rise.