I have an aging mother with mobility problems, vision problems, and fecal incontinence. How to cope and do care?

The excess money stays in the irrevocable trust and the state is the named beneficiary.

This allows your mom to meet the Medicaid requirements and offsets the amount of money the state pays through their LTC program. This will show up if there is additional assets, like a house that they can try to recover from.

Each state has it's own maximum income limits, so you should get a Medicaid application from your state and that will help you understand how much she is allowed and what you can do for spend down of assets.

I don't think a miller miller trust is a diy, I would find a certified elder law attorney and have a consultation. www.nelf.org can help you find attorneys in your area, I found that they were not expensive in comparison to other attorneys and they deal with this stuff daily, so they don't spend as much time researching the laws. Resulting in a cheaper cost.

Does that help?

Lala, check into a qualified income trust aka Miller's trust.

This is the step that you need to take to get her qualified for Medicaid.

Contact your local area council on aging and they will be able to tell you how to go about getting her qualified.

My dad makes 14.00 to much monthly to qualify. Such a struggle.

Take care and let us know how it works out. Hugs!

My advice would be to act at once, to take Mom to the ER with whatever the excuse is and to not take her back home. MS from what I hear from friends flares with stress. You will soon need care yourself. A social worker can work fast from a hospital setting to get your mother the care she needs now and that will break you if you continue to try to do it. So very sorry. Some things can't be fixed, they just have to be dealt with. Meanwhile you need help in the home. You don't mention financial situation, but Coffee4me below has good suggestions.

I work for a home care company. We provide services for pp and Medicaid consumers. Have you looked into that option? If on Medicaid you could look at both pca's and respite care as an option. Having someone come in until you go another route might help you and your loved one. Agency on Aging also has great resources as well. I am finding this forum a great asset too.

My cousin had MS. Stress would do her in. I suggest LTC on Medicaid if Mom has no money. They will take care of all her needs, you just visit.

You have to have help, plain and simple. It's not your fault you can't take care of her yourself. Everyone goes through this choice. It's time for a home for mom. Do you know anyone who has placed their parents whom you could ask? One of the patients at mthr's memory care has a daughter who is a hospice nurse. I find that a very good sign of a good home. You'll have to visit, so I would take close in distance over plush any day. Stick around on the boards and there's lots of good advice here.

Is your mother able to use a bedside commode or stand while you change an incontinence panty?

When my mother injured her knee in a fall and could not walk for several weeks, she was still able to stand for several minutes using a walker for balance. Since she could stand, that made changing the incontinence panty fairly easy, even following a bowel movement. I used disposable wipes to remove feces, then a washcloth and a no rinse soap for a final cleaning after ever panty change. Tossed the washcloths in a bucket and washed them at the end of day. A disposal underpad kept the lift recliner seat and/or bed clean from any minor panty leaks. It took a few tries but I was able to find a panty that didn't leak much or often. Some panties absorbed well but always seems to leak a little. Since I have a bad back, I found sitting on a stool while I cleaned my mother was easier than standing and bending over.

Bathing was much the same. Got the room warm and used towels as cover for Mom didn't get cold. Mom sat in the chair or on the side of the bed while I used two plastic wash tubs filled with hot water. I soaped a washcloth, Mom preferred to wash her face, ears, neck herself. Rinsed out the washcloth in the "soap' tub, then the "rinse" tub and wiped the soap off her body. Repeat on all the body portions you can reach while she was sitting, then she stood while I washed the rest.

If your mother cannot stand for a few minutes, then you would need to place towels on the bed and roll your mother onto her uninjured side while you clean her.

Since she's has a broken hip, you should be able to get Medicare provided bath aids and even some PT for Mom; start with calling the PCP's office. Your Area Agency/Council on Aging (AAA) should be able to help you get some pre-placement help too. AAA should also be able to help with finding NH placement options. I'm actually surprised she didn't go to a rehab following the broken hip and that would have allowed an easy transition to a NH. Did you bring her home and then find/acknowledge you cannot meet all her needs?

Try not to stress out too much as that's not good for your MS at all. Take things one at a time and don't stress out when things aren't "perfect". The washing machine and white vinegar as a laundry additive are your friends. Disposable or peapod under mats are very good friends. Getting Mom clean is important but how long it takes is not.

Welcome Lala!

I'm always a bit concerned to see that people are posting at two o' clock in the morning! Are you having a rough night? I'm in the UK so I'm often around at strange times, but you should be asleep in bed!

I see from your profile that your mother has a broken hip, is that correct? When did that happen?

Practical matters: what sort of support, if any, do you currently have from your mother's medical and health care teams?