My mother was struck by another resident in Memory Care. What can we expect from the facility?

I'm going to contribute what I know will be a controversial statement about this issue. You see, at the beginning of May, my Mom was moved from AL to the memory care unit, and during her adjustment, she slapped another resident--no injury--and pushed and threw things. Of course, of course, of course, the safety of all residents must be protected! However, as another writer commented, "the disease is the enemy," and we cannot expect someone in later stages of Alzheimer's to reason and behave like an adult. In her earlier, right mind, my Mom would be aghast to think she hit someone or even yelled at them. She is not herself. She cannot control herself entirely.

Likewise, last week, another resident got angry at something she misunderstood and pushed my mom. I didn't demand that the other woman be moved from the facility because I understand that it could have been my mom doing the push. Yes, I talked to the facility nurse and director, and we discussed what management techniques could and will be used to divert and hopefully stop further aggression. In addition, my mom's doctor added an anti-depressant, which has made a huge difference in my mom's moods and alleviated her rages.

I kind of relate it to kids on the playground (mentally and emotionally). Sometimes they push or hit, and we don't permanently ban them from the playground or send them to a psych ward. We understand that they aren't in total control like we expect an adult to be. We try to listen, understand, redirect, and solve the problem, while doing everything we can to also supervise and ensure safety.

I'm immensely grateful that after my mom hit another resident, she wasn't booted out of memory care and transported to the psychiatric hospital some 300 miles away. That would probably have killed her. Really. Now, with added supervision when she is around a couple of residents that trigger her, and the adjustment in her meds--and time to adjust to the move to memory care, she seems to be much more obliging and calmer.

After my mom was pushed by another resident, which resulted in her falling, you can bet I discussed an action plan to keep this from being repeated, but I couldn't help but feel compassion for the family of the other resident, grappling also with their loved one's behavior. We all need to give each other grace in this horrible journey through Alzheimer's.

As you address the problem from your LO’s point of view, just remember that the aggressor’s family are dealing with an even more difficult problem. Protect your own, but know that the aggressor and their family are not the enemy – it’s the disease.

I see that this has been addressed, but if it had not been - I would have said to go to the top of the chain of command because this level of abuse by another patient SHOULD NOT go on. Good to know you've addressed it.

Sometimes a person will lash out when first placed in memory care. It happens. They don’t know where they are but they know it’s not where they are supposed to be. They are frightened Most settle down after little time and adjustments of medications. They get used to the change and those around them. I would let the staff handle this one and don’t escalate the situation. Make sure the incident was written up I haven’t seen a follow up so I am assuming it hasn’t happened again.

I am with CJ. This is an incident and needs to be written up as such. State inspectors will need to know.

Where do people go that are violent in MC, usually to a Psychiatric hospital. Its hoped that medication can be tried and adjusted to where they can stay in MCs. My daughter says it takes 30 days to see if a med works by increasing or decreasing. If that doesn't work then its another 30 days trying something new.

They are required to make a report to the State Regulatory Agency. You need to ask to make sure this was done, if not you file the report and be sure and the the State that they home did not report this incident.

In most cases when this happens the resident who was "acting out violently" is sent to the hospital for an evaluation.

The home is responsible for keeping your mom and all the other resident's safe. I would ask the Director of Nursing (DoN) what their plan is moving forward to ensure the safety of your mom.

We just had a meeting with the med director and head person and I feel much better—they acknowledged the problem and are doing much to help the situation. They consider the behavior intolerable also. He’ll have a one on one person following him to pattern his behavior and also they have adjusted his medication. Thanks to all who responded! ❤️

Call (and follow up with a certified letter to) the facility social worker, DON and Administrator to ask how they plan to protect your mother.

Tell them in writing that your mother is being subjected to an "abusive living environment" and that this will not be tolerated. Ask for specifics of the protective actions they will be taking and a timeline.

If you don't have a written response in 24 hours, you send copies to the ombudsman and the state licensing board.

When my brother went into Assisted Living and all the circumstances of why, when and under what circumstances someone would be refused care at the facility and would have to be moved (I honestly cannot imagine where ultimately they move such folk when memory care is not enough), were discussed, we were told that violence could not and would not be tolerated. I think, if this is not just a single incident, but is typical of threatening to/or actually lashing out, that the resident should be/will be removed. I would follow up closely. I hope that your mother was not badly hurt. What has been their response when you talked to those in charge?

I have a feeling he won't be staying. They can't have another resident hitting others. My question would be if he will be medicated and if not how are they going to protect the other residents. If this is not resolved call ur state Ombudsman to investigate.