Liability release so the family can't be held legally responsible. Does that exist?

You can't be held legally responsible unless:
- you have legal guardianship over her and you allow her to live there
- you sign the lease on behalf of Gramma

If she moves in with this random lady your Gramma is ripe for elder abuse and I suggest intervening to prevent this move. Find out who this person is and go visit her to "inspect" the home. This is really the opportunity for your family to let this woman know your Gramma's true condition and that SHE (the landlady) will be legally responsible for anything that happens to her, like falling, wandering off, etc. and does she really want this responsibility? Ask if she has umbrella insurance for these situations (doubtful). The point is to make it appear that you're a litigious family ;-) She may not care that Gramma has dementia, or even believe you, just let her know that she's on your radar.

If your Gramma doesn't currently have enough income to afford assisted living, your aunt should help her apply for Medicaid. Most senior care facilities allot a few rooms for Medicaid recipients. The gov't can't take her house, if that's the concern. She may not qualify if she has any other assets, like savings and investments. If she has nothing but her social security check and owns nothing else, or has a lot of medical debt, she is sure to be approved. Once the form is submitted, it will take about 3 months for an answer (depending on where you live). We did this for my mother-in-law and she is now in a nice long-term care facility getting exactly the same quality of care and attention as everyone else.

Has your aunt ever taken her to the doc to get assessed for cognitive decline or dementia?

If Gramma doesn't have a durable Power of Attorney or refuses to sign one, then her daughter (or your aunt) could pursue guardianship of your Gramma through the court system but they will have to prove she is incompetent. I'm not sure of the cost or timeline for this. Whoever has guardianship has total legal power over her decisions and choices. Wishing you a good outcome!

If the POA reads "when found incompetent" you don't have any control unless the person in incompetent. Since this woman's problems are physical and no Dementia, then she can do as she pleases. What Dad and Uncle need to do is go see the woman she wants to live with.

They need to sit with her and explain Gma's limits and what is needed to care for her. Her house should be disabled accessible. Bars in the shower. On one floor. If your Dad feels its unsafe, maybe APS can check the home out and tell Gma its not a safe place for her. Even Office of Aging maybe able to help.

I think if this woman is taking in Gma, Gma has promised her something like money. Gma has probably not told her what her health problems are.

This sounds backwards to me, usually the person who is concerned is the homeowner, they need liability insurance, not your grandmother, also because you are related to her doesn't mean that you are responsible for anything, you are not.

Well, she must have had *some* contact with the random lady (RL). She hasn't, for example, decided that she's going to go and live with RL without mentioning it to RL, for a start.

As your grandmother is - you seem very certain - mentally competent there is no question of the family's being liable for the consequences of her decisions. You, the family, could get that assessment in writing from her doctors, if you want to dot the i's and cross the t's; but you have no power whatsoever to stop her doing as she pleases and therefore no responsibility for her.

But also, having said that, don't you think you can pretty confidently call her bluff? She's going to move in with RL. Okay. Go ahead. Now what? How's she going to move her stuff? How's she even going to get there? What preparations will RL have made? Who'll be taking her to appointments, seeing to her laundry, bringing her her meals? Has anyone written a brief for RL so that RL knows what's coming?

This all blew up only a week ago, and to me it sounds like hot air. I should let it blow over - BUT keep up the preparations for getting grandma admitted to a facility. Your poor aunt must be at the end of her rope.

From all of your answers it sounds like grandma has always used poor behavior, manipulation and tantrums to control the men in her life. Oh my, my heart goes out to your mom and aunt, MILs like her are every womans worst nightmare.

Encourage your dad to let her live with her choices and consequences, reaffirm that he isn't responsible for her happiness and all he can do is step back and let her find out what life is really like. Placing someone in a facility is very difficult, however, when they choose not to be civil to their family that has sacrificed their lives for them, it is time that others care for them.

Can you have a heart to heart with grandma and explain what her choices will cost her, as in the family removing themselves from the train wreck and maybe she will have hurt everyone so much that they just walk away and she spends the rest of her life with only strangers? Make it sound as bad as it could be and if she starts acting like a child tell her to stop,her behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.

Someone needs to be POA! Your Dad possibly? One to take care of financial issues, to be able to pay her bills if she couldn’t any longer & one for healthcare issues, a living will. You’ll have to have that for any decisions you are trying to make for her. My mom doesn’t have a dementia dx from a dr but it’s quite obvious she has it. Hopefully your grandmother will understand the need & let you draw them up. She can have input into them, esp when it comes to end of life issues. I did mom’s on Legal Zoom, very easy. Went to social services who helped me with applying for Medicaid & had them notarized, be sure to do that. Good luck to your family. No way should she be allowed to move in with this woman. Does Gma drive? If not, you don’t have to move her! Mom says all the time that a friend wants her to come back & be with her in AL but when I asked this lady, she denied saying it. Gma might be making it up!

Might it help to talk to this lady so she knows if Grandma moves in what she will be facing. She might decide not to take her in.

Thank you!

I'm really sorry about this situation. There are people who want to do what they want to do but they're willing to accept the bad results of their bad decisions. But it sounds as though your grandma is in the category of people who want to do what they want to do but will blame other people when those bad decisions have bad results. You and the rest of your family are good people to be sticking with grandma through this conflict.

Reporting the situation as you see it to Adult Protective Services is the best way I know of to handle the liability issue. They can investigate objectively and make a decision about the best way to handle the situation. It basically will remove you from the responsibility to make the tough choices here.

If I were in this situation, I wouldn't be concerned about liability (if grandma is competent to make her own decisions, the family won't be liable for not stopping her from making those decisions; the caregiver would be liable for harm the caregiver causes, if any). I would, however, be concerned about cleaning up any "messes" that result. Maybe your family could try to guide grandma to making a wise decision by explaining your concerns but then helping her with getting more information, while trying to support her autonomy and preserve her dignity. That is, if you can try to reframe this from a power play (on her part) to "we all want what's best for grandma," you might be able to steer her from what really does sound like a bad situation.

"Said lady's alcoholism" pretty much "says it all" here. This is not a good plan.

No, you have to stop her. She is unable to care for herself and this lady has a drinking problem, you can't be released from liability when you know that a dangerous situation exists and you stand back and let it happen.

I would contact law enforcement and say granny is a risk and get her committed for psych evaluation. Anything to stop her from committing a slow suicide.

sandyashes, excuse me, did I read this correctly, that your 77 year old [per your profile] Grandmother is going to live in some random lady's home? How old is this lady? Since your Grandmother has mobility issues, will this lady be able to help her, especially if Grandmother falls? Does this lady understand the cooking challenges for someone who is diabetic? Will Grandmother pay this lady rent plus caregiving pay? How is the lady doing with her alcoholism?

I am wondering if Grandmother now has dementia, because with dementia it is not uncommon for a person to make up stories. Has the family even met this woman, if she actually exists?

Time for the family to look into Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] where Grandmother can move into a nursing home and the State Medicaid will pay for her room/board and care. That way, Grandmother can have a village looking after her, and be around some people of her own age group.