What to do when nursing homes let patients LAY & SIT all day?

This same thing happened when we needed to situate my 85 yr old MIL in a care facility due to no short-term memory. She is pretty healthy and physically able to get out of bed, but because she had broken her back in 2009, has osteoarthritis in her back, was sort of physically lazy before she had memory loss, and has senior depression, she decided she wouldn't get out of bed for any reason, not even for the bathroom or meals. She was in a decent facility so it wasn't neglect.

By law the NH cannot force residents to do anything or even eat healthy food. So we tried to get creative and see if we could order physical therapy for her. She did it a few times but then stopped. She stayed in bed so much we couldn't believe she didn't have bedsores (she weighs 180 lbs).

When we recently moved her to a different facility because it was closer, it was a larger place with more staff and so far they have been way more creative in getting her out of bed for meals and even to social events.

There may be many reasons why your brother doesn't want to participate or get out of his chair but continue to work with the NH on creative incentives.

I agree with CM. There should be activities going on at least in the afternoon. I picked Moms LTC based in this.

Do you go at different times of the day? I never went in the morning because that is a busy time for them. They get residents up and dressed for breakfast. Once breakfast is done, PT starts and med passes. Somewhere in there, baths. Next thing u know, lunch. My Mom spent her time in the common area. Her Dementia was in its last stage and I didn't want her left in her room all day. Afternoons were movies, activities and outside entertainment. Then dinner, some activities and then getting residents ready for the night.

No NH can "make" a person join in. And sorry, they don't have the time to talk them into it. You need to ask the DON your question. Even though NHs have improved greatly, they are still depressing. You sleep in a room with someone you don't know. Therapy for some is not fun. There is some pain. If you are "with it", there are some who are not. I have already told my DH that if I need PT to get my strength back after a hospital stay I am not going.

What I suggest is go at activity time. And you try to get ur brother to join in. Start up a conversation with another resident or a family member visiting. Get brother to join in. Aides just don't have the time.

Nursing homes can NOT force residents to engage with other residents or participate in activities. They can ask & try to gently persuade, but can not make them.

Is is your brother generally a social person? Could he be depressed? Maybe he just needs a little more time to adjust. My mother in law was quite content to stay in her room, she doesn’t like socializing. My mom stayed in her room for about 2 months, even for meals. Now she goes to every activity on the calendar!

My LO has a personality that was complex and strictly her own before dementia robbed her of her short term memory and her independent life.

I firmly believe that I attempt to impose upon such choices as she is still able to make, I am unfairly imposing my wants and decisions on her, rather than accepting who she is, right now in HER OWN present.

There are times when she sleeps for the better part of the day, but is always willing to get up and dressed for Mass twice weekly, and also to have her hair done once a week.

It is sometimes VERY DIFFICULT as caregiver to someone very dear who doesn’t react as we think they should or we’d want them to, to just back off and be with them and love them and let them do what they want.

After 70 + years of hard work and obligatory smiling, I’ve decided LO has earned the right to relax herself AND her smile.

She he chooses to do what she chooses to do, and I’m ok with that.

Um. Because it's a Nursing Home and not a penal colony, is why. The NH has no authority to force your brother to do anything he doesn't want to do.

I agree with you that socialising and activities are highly desirable and residents should be actively encouraged to join in with them. But there are lines to be drawn between encouraging a hesitant participant, and forcing an unwilling participant, and paying lip service to the whole idea, and it isn't always easy to see where they are.