Helping a relative who lives across the country?

I cared for my parents long distance for 6 years, mom died and I still take care of Dad. I had POA and later guardianship. I took care of bills and all finances, medical issues etc. from home, But I made regular 12 hour drives dealing with various crises.

My thinking is this...This is a cousin, not parents. Do not move him near you. You could accept POA and handle his needs from afar but it would take some doing.

My dad is in memory care now, I deal with his finances, bills, meds, staff and have a sitter with him two days a week. I make a few trips a year for visits but he would be cared for well whether I visited or not.

POA does not necessarily bind you to a long list of responsibilities. You can resign at anytime. Your biggest challenge would be getting access to his finances.

And what about the partner? Who’s taking care of his/her affairs? I wouldn’t get sucked into that if I were you.

Lots to consider here. Think it through very carefully.

Just what Alva said. You sound like you’re going into this blind. He has asked you to be POA, but that does not include moving him cross-country, researching his possible living arrangements, and supervising his care when you do find those living arrangements, plus transferring his bank accounts, disability payments, etc. You write of a “they”. Will “they” come to Pennsylvania and help you decide on an AL for him? What if they don’t approve of your choice? By moving him close to you, the family he has in California will be putting the responsibility for him squarely on you, or worse, approving or disapproving your choices from afar. Are you close to this part of the family? Will they help you manage his care? Why did “they” say you’d help him find living arrangements in PA? Why couldn’t they keep him in California and find an AL there?

A POA takes effect when the person can no longer make decisions, medical or financial, for themselves. That’s it. I think what your cousin’s family are asking of you involves far more than that. Tread carefully before you become committed.

You say just that. I was also just asked by a friend. I said I was so honored but just could not. Suggested a fiduciary. A lawyer will help set this up. Often a financial institution itself will do this. Take on the care before death if needed, and settle the estate after death. Do not take this on, esp so far away. You know what is entailed.