A close relative has died. Do I tell my elderly dad?

hi again i had prepared myself to tell me dad this morning only to see my dad in bed not feeling to good and having a bad day. I will try and tell him tomorrow i am worried that my sister or niece will try and come to tell him even though people have said he is to frail. I feel in such a state at the moment because i am trying to be normal with my dad and yet i keep crying for my dear nephew.
thanks again for your supporting words it really helps

thank you so much for your replies i am going to tell my dad. i feel i am abit stronger and am coming to tems with it my self. i just hope he forgives me for not telling him sooner. i feel sick to the stomach right now i just hope he is ok once i have told him

Well I think he should be told and let the chips fall as they may. Think ahead. How would it be 6 months from now to have to say, “Oh by the way your (whatever) died last year.” Better to face the result now. Better for him; better for you. Because it will be over and not hanging over your head.

I told my wife (84 with dementia) that her sister (age 94) had died and it was a pretty damn rough 2 hours. Rough! But it got the job done. The air was clear and no pussyfooting around, no keeping the guard up, no accidental reference. And life went on.

Yes, I believe you should tell him. Telling him demonstrates respect that you have for your dad's feelings and will allow your dad to honor his grandson's memory instead of maybe wondering, "I wonder why _________ doesn't get in touch more often."

Also, your dad could inadvertently discover that his grandson died and the fall-out from that could be worse than if you told him to begin with.

I understand why you'd want to protect your dad but he has a right to know. If you don't tell him you'll be lying to him everyday for the rest of his life.

This is a good question, I'd like to know the answer to it as well. My father's sister passed a few months ago and my mother chose not to tell him. It's understandable why she didn't tell him - he was in the VA at the time and could not go to her funeral due to his limitations. He still doesn't know and I'm worried that the rest of the family is going to get in touch with him and tell him and then he'll get pissed at us for not telling him....

Yeah, so what do you do?