My mother has short term memory loss. When she is in her normal state of mind she remembers what is going on and is aware that they have filed guardianship and conservatorship papers in court. They tried to put her in a home but she called and asked me to pick her up. They then said I was abusing her and stealing from her. I have been investigated and none of their claims were true. She now has an attorney and when I remind her of his advice she doesn't want to believe it. When she forgets what is happening she wants to call them to pick her up and doesn't remember that they are trying to put her in a home and she turns on me. I have had her tested and she needs some help but scored a 23 on the mme test her doctor gave her. Her memory lapses are hard to deal with and my husband is trying hard but it is getting difficult to deal with her insults and name calling when she is in the altered mind set. I would appreciate any ideas on how to deal with her to bring her back to reality.
6 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
The other thing that has occurred to me is that perhaps mom's last marriage was to their dad and you are the oldest? Maybe there is some conflict with "their parents" estate vs your parents or mom's? It's hard to speculate without knowing some of those dynamics, were you all raised together, are either father still alive?... Those things could be a factor too I suppose. But again if there is a will even if one spouse has passed it usually has provisions for one spouse passing first and while they could change it it gives you a road map. Then again your mom could have been a single mom raising the three of you on her own so hard to speculate... Good luck, whatever the case I do think it would be so much easier, less confusing and stressful for mom if you all aren't in fighting and pulling her in different directions even though you are trying to protect her. I hope you can find a way to communicate, you will need each others support through this whether she stays with you or it's time for a facility. Hang in there!
ADVERTISEMENT
If if your mom has short term memory loss, you can NOT bring her back to reality. You can try to remind/redirect her but that doesn’t mean it will sink in. Her brain doesn’t work right anymore. Unfortunately, it will not get better. She doesn’t remember her daughters are trying to put her in a home, she doesn’t believe her attorney, you admit her memory loses are difficult to deal with & she’s also verbally abusive (insults & name calling is abusive behavior). It sounds like you need to have some resources in place to help you with your mom. Do you have a POA in place to help with her medical/financial decisions?
what do you want to see happen? I assume the sisters were not successful with the guardianship.
Are you beginning to believe that your mother needs more care than you can provide? Regardless of what she tested she doesn’t sound like she can make sound decisions for herself. These are half sisters so they are your mothers children as well., correct? Are do you share the same father? What did the attorney advise your mother to do? Is he/she a certified elder attorney? I have heard of more than one case where siblings disagreements led to the mother being given a court appointed guardian where none of the children had the ability to control where their mother was placed.
You are expecting your mom to make sound decisions and she has lost that ability. Perhaps a mediator could help you and your sisters put your mothers care first. It sounds like you have some work to do before that would be possible. Does your mother have other children besides you three? This is a common problem that can make all your lives hell.