Guilt about vacation/expectations. Any advice?

As I always say, only good and decent people feel guilt. However, some of this seems to be what OTHERS think about you. Do you honestly have so little self esteem that it matters to you still what others think of you? Do you think you are not worth 10 days of happiness and relaxation? Really? What did you do that was so bad? You cared for your mom and you placed her safely when it was beyond the care you were able to give. If after all the love and care you have done, you think you are of so little worth still, how could I ever convince you that you deserve a mere 10 days away?
Psychopaths do not feel guilt. They cannot empathize with what other people feel or think, so they don't care what they think; they cannot imagine themselves in another's head. But good people feel guilt because they fear being judged as wanting. Good people can imagine what others might think. The sad truth is that we all do the best we can. Those of us who are decent people judge ourselves as wanting every day. You have done the best you can. Now please treat yourself like you deserve 10 days away. Go, and have a wonderful time.

What are you worried about? That something will happen to your mom in your absence? Are you insecure about the quality of care she gets at the facility? If not, then you must reject every guilty feeling before it takes hold of your mind. If you are concerned that she will feel alone and not understand why you are gone you can leave 10 days worth of letters and pictures and crafts or treats for the staff to give to her. Or come up with some other creative ideas.

You NEED the break or you will burn out. This is not some whim or luxury. This break is a necessity to recharge your batteries and to live YOUR life. NO GUILT!

We sometimes give ourselves guilt because of the love we feel for those who are dependent upon us in their infirmity.

I alternate my time between two truly cherished LOs, one of whom is 3 and differently abled, and the other who is 91. Although I spend most of my time with one or the other, STILL the guilt !!!

My tuba has been an amazing and incredible joy in my life. If travel is your “tuba”, you owe it to yourself AND your loved one to use your respite time for refreshment of all the aspects of your life that you neglect when you’re called to be there for h/h.

If someone in your life is expressing a negative opinion about the care you give, or the time you leave that care for a period to renew, they clearly do not know our lives as caregivers.

I think you feel guilty because you think you should feel that way. Mom has been your responsibility for a while now. It’s difficult to let go. If you spend a lot of time at the facility helping care for her, this makes it worse.

Go go on your trip and stop thinking you need to pay “dues” to do so. You do not owe any excuses or explanations to anyone at all. Have a wonderful time.

These people that you refer to must not know much about self care for caregivers. Just because your mother is in a long term care facility, does not mean that you are still not working hard as a caregiver. Good for you that you're taking some time for rest and recreation. I would think that it's right, good, smart, well deserved, past due, helpful, and necessary, and there's nothing about it that would provoke guilt in me. But, many others do feel that way. I hope they will chime in to share to ways to dissuade the guilt. Have fun and enjoy your vacation!