My mother has battled depression and low self esteem her whole life. Overall, she did make a decent life for herself and was very career oriented. Since retirement and her illness, her depression never improved and/or got worse. Now she is in a nursing home, in a wheelchair, with a terminal illness.
I wish she would try the activities there or simply eat down the hall down with the other people. Being around other people or stimuli would be great for anyone. When she is lucid, she is really a lovely and bright person to talk to.
My question is: how much am I responsible for her choices? I've tried to kindly make suggestions and offer to go with her to activities/lunch but she refuses. She cries from being lonely and bored yet does not try anything new.
I understand depression is a vicious cycle but this makes me feel helpless. I know I cannot change anyone.
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We recently needed to move her to another NH closer to us. To our amazement they have been able to get her out of bed, eat with the others, do some social stuff. My conclusion is that the other, smaller NH just didn't have enough staff to deal with her.
The depression is another issue. You aren't responsible for her happiness. Clinical depression is an illness and you can't "logic" people out of it or it wouldn't be clinical. I'm assuming that she's already on antidepressants but maybe the NH doc needs to make an adjustment. And yes, she now does have a legit reason for depression. Hang in there!
In order for your mother to find acceptance of her terminal illness, perhaps you can bring her some reading material that will be of help. I myself have found great comfort in reading stories about near death experiences; there is one in particular by a neurosurgeon named Eben Alexander called Proof of Heaven that is excellent. Here is a link if you'd like more info:
https://www.amazon.com/Proof-Heaven-Neurosurgeons-Journey-Afterlife/dp/1451695195
Have you gotten hospice involved yet? I do know that hospice has ministers who provide grief counseling and they can be quite helpful to the entire family. The nurses are particularly tuned in to helping patients find acceptance with the transition to the next phase of our eternal life.
Best of luck to you and your dear mom.
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