Father wants to take us on a cruise -- good/bad idea?

All these parents who insist they don't need help in their homes or for routine outings or on trips etc are really just insisting that their family members step up and fill in, and if we do we are reinforcing their belief in their "independence". All is good as long as you are willing to forgo the "holiday" and become his unacknowledged crutch on this trip, because there is no doubt he needs some level of assistance or you wouldn't be on this forum asking. Make a list of all the things you did for him 3 years ago, then add on all the other things you suspect he needs help with now. Ask him who is going to do these things, and don't let him get away with telling you he will do them himself! The way to make this a success is to make realistic plans.

If he is a seasoned traveller it might be possible, others on the forum have done it. One thing I would insist on is having him accompanied by a caregiver, if he can afford to pay for relatives he can afford to hire a helper.

His refusal to pay for a caregiver does not by default obligate you to this incredibly stressful and awful two week journey. I would not go along - let him go if he wants to.

Hi swilson1, I think it is great you want to take your father on a cruise, and it is not insane at all. Where do you plan on traveling? I would advice for example a shorter flight to Florida and then a cruise to Bermuda but that is a decision both you and your father have to make.. Is your father paying for the relatives? Depending on their ages I would ask some relatives to help out such as assistance with the bathroom, help with bathing if not independent or other tasks you feel would be helpful, otherwise hire a travel companion or caregiver and be firm with your dad. You do not want to be in a difficult situation and have no help. I would advice assisting him when he uses his walker so he does not fall and hurt himself. I would use the w/c when he is up and about around the ship. I would take both walker and w/c. I took my mother on trips every year since the age of 85, She is now 96 years old, but not alone. At the beginning of her travels she used a walker and w/c for long distance and now w/c most of the time, but I took her walker for exercise. We have been on guided tours and many cruises since then. I found the cruises to be much easier for my mother. I met with a travel agent that worked hard to get my requests taken care and there were many. I would book no more than 6 months in advance and take out travel insurance. Most times accessible rooms were available for us, but speak to a cruise specialist concerning accessibility and always double check to be sure everything is in place before the cruise. .There was a small medical facility on board if needed. Ted stockings a must to prevent blood clots while in flight. We took a few excursions that were accessible. The last trip was a cruise to Hawaii for my mothers 96 birthday last year. The flight was long so I booked a hotel halfway to Hawaii. I requested at time of booking a bulkhead seat for two. There was no added cost because of her disability. Lots of added space near the front and assistance at the airport. The flight went quite well with no problems. We even walked a mile with my mother in her w/c to a beautiful beach on Maui when we were at port. She sat under some trees in her w/c looking at the ocean and enjoying every moment of it. I made certain requests for her meals and they accommodated her. She loved the music, shows. watching people dance and many other things a cruise had to offer. Make sure the cruise line is aware how special this upcoming trip is for your dad. The staff did special things for my mom and I was so grateful. I am so glad we took my mother on these trips and now it is time to just relax , rest and enjoy quiet time with her family with local travel. We have such wonderful memories of the trips we took with my mom. I have lots of experience traveling with my sweet mother, too much to put in one post so please message me with any questions. This trip can be wonderful with your dad if planned well. The w/c is essential and be firm and you will need some assistance so plan ahead and ask family to help!!. I hope you take your 88 year old father on this cruise and it is a plus you have some relatives to share this great adventure. Wishing you a most enjoyable time with your dad. Safe travels.

Most all modern cruise ships have ADA cabins fitted for those using a wheelchair. I think you may even be able to rent a motorized chair through the cruise line. I remember one cruise I took where the little motorized "scooters" were parked (and plugged in to charge) up and down the hallway in front of several cabins!

All modern ships have elevators and public restrooms that are handicapped-equipped. Doors are wide enough for a wheelchair. Some cruise lines, such as Holland America, cater to a much older crowd. If you eat at the buffet restaurant, there are staff to help you get your food and then they will carry your tray to your table.

Here is a great article about cruising for the physically challenged written by a couple who have taken many cruises and must use a wheelchair. It contains a lot of great info about cabin styles and onboard services available.
https://cruisereport.com/article-archive/cruising-physically-challenged

On the larger and mega ships today, there is so much to see and do, one never needs to leave the ship! The ship is a destination in and of itself. There is a spa, a casino, nightly entertainment, lots of dining options, movies, card games, enrichment lectures, cooking classes, computer classes, etc.

Would someone be sharing a cabin with your Dad? I have taken over 150 cruises on all types of vessels (my job is reviewing cruises!) and have seen lots of physically-challenged elderly folks onboard having a great time! I'm not so sure how much fun their caregivers were having, though.

Flying to Europe is another whole issue. That is hard on even the healthiest people! Seats in main cabin are excruciatingly small and cramped and getting through the airports is a challenge in and of itself. The airport/flying part is always the worst, most dreaded part of my trip.

If you have a good travel agent, it is helpful. Also have travel insurance such as TravelGuard. There is a doctor/medical facility on most ships, but it is outrageously expensive to go there! Trust me, I know from personal experience!

If you could talk him into a cruise that departs from and comes back to a US port, it would be much easier on all concerned.

I am the wife and caregiver for my 78 yr old partially blind physically disabled hubby. We are taking our 14th cruise in October. I have tons of tips starting with the ambulatory stateroom, it is nice and roomy. With walkin shower with chair. This is his only outing as its easy to get around on the ship, not so easy to take him out and about at home. We have a blast! He wears a depends and is in a wheelchair, We love the casino and the broadway shows. We get off at ports where the shopping is right off the pier. We live in Texas and are taking the cruise in October out of Las Angeles California, so we do have a four hour flight. When we go far off like Cali, I pay my daughters way and she goes with us to help with flight, luggage, etc. we are all seasoned VIP travelers, but there is a sense of safety in numbers. In January, him and I are going out of Galveston on a 14 day cruise to the Panama Canal. Something we both want to experience. I think you will have a great time. Help him out, share a cabin with him, prepare for those moments (wheelchair, depends, private dining, etc) keep in mind that its for him, your attitude going into it will define your level of enjoyment. Use Valet parking at the airport, take a lot of $5 bills for tipping anyone who touches his chair or helps you with luggage. Prepare and show him the time of his life. My hubby is losing his memories a little and the cruises tend to all run together in his mind, but he always has great stories to tell and its made his life much richer.

If you are up for it, I say go for it.

He would have plenty to do on board and you could do some excursions.

I personally think that it would be better to die having a good time than sitting in an AL staying as safe and healthy as possible.

Life is not meant to be a journey to the grave arriving with a well preserved body, but rather skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming "WOOHOO! What a ride!"

Have a great time.

"It would be me and three seniors."

I got a little chill down my spine when I read this, swilson1. Two weeks and two long flights is an awful lot to handle solo with three seniors. The math kind of isn't adding up for me. I agree it would be fantastic to somehow make your dad's dream trip happen as an epic last hurrah but I think you need to insist that a non-senior of some sort (a nice cousin or in-law, a likeable younger person in between jobs or school who could use a bit of adventure and some cash, SOMEBODY) comes along to be your back-up. Heck, maybe you could even spin it that you are bringing a caregiver along for YOU.

I hope this is a nice, loving dad, right? Not a tyrant of some sort? I read about so many mean, unreasonable, demanding parents on this forum that I may be getting a bit jaded. If he is a sweet, beloved daddy that you want to humor and see having a good time, then I say go for it, with a helper for you to keep chaos at bay as much as possible.

Getting on the first flight on the trip home. Can’t tell you how relieved I am!

We made it!

Would I do it again? Probably not. Certainly not without a caregiver along as well.

What did I learn? Well, I learned to set boundaries, but that was a difficult balancing act between setting boundaries and possibly creating more problems for myself. For example, dad refused to use the wheelchair I brought along, and insisted on just his walker. This was nerve-racking, especially when the ship was rolling. He wanted me to follow behind him holding his belt, which I did not do, but then worried that if he did fall, there was another problem to solve. Also, he refused to bring a caregiver along, which meant that he needed to shower himself. That did not work well, despite having an ADA stateroom. He fell once, and stubbed his toe badly another time. He bathed less frequently than I would have liked.

I learned that he is a narcissist, and employed the gray rock method often. This worked well.

I learned to let a lot of things go.

I’m still confused about his thought process in terms of either not wanting to “bother” other people, or barking orders at them like they are there to serve him hand and foot. ???

I learned to care a bit less about what others think of me, as they have not walked a mile in my shoes. That was a big step.

In short, I was completely relieved to drop him back at his AL facility and let them take over. I am looking forward to a relaxing break over the holidays. I am still not sure what level of involvement that will mean in terms of dad.

Thank you all for your ideas, support, and kind words. I truly appreciate it!