What to do when a family members physician will not speak to you in regards to concerns about medications without the patient's consent?

Did I miss the answer to, "Does she live in your house or do you live in hers?" This answer may determine your only "easy" course of action. If you live with her then move out immediately and don't tell her you're going, when you're going or where you're going. She may be more compliant after that and then you can negotiate some things with her, like getting DPoA, her going to rehab, signing a HIPAA release for both of you, etc.

If she lives with you, I'm not sure what you can legally do but if you can get her into inpatient rehab for 30+ days then you can get a legal eviction (based on your state's laws) and she can go live in a sober home afterwards or AL but do not let her live with you ever again.

If it's your home maybe you can set up cameras to see what she's doing and maybe even where she is stashing her pills. If she's doing anything illegal (like stealing) you may have grounds to kick her out. Does this person still drive? The minute she gets into her car and you think she's under the influence, call 911 and report her. Good luck!

You are conflating two things which you need to separate.

1. Reporting concerns. You should put your observations in writing to the physician who prescribes your MIL's medication, emphasising that you believe her behaviours may be the result of [give the exact px details] and [second exact px details] in combination. Mark it "for the urgent attention of Dr [Name]." It will be attended to.

2. Discussing your concerns with your MIL's physician. Discussion implies two-way communication. Your MIL's physician absolutely is bound by her professional duty of confidentiality to her patient and cannot say a single word to you about her without her consent. It's basic. It may be a pain, but she can't do it.

Try again. Make it clear that you are understand the HIPAA rules and the requirements of patient confidentiality and are therefore not expecting a response to the information you have provided, but that you would like receipt of it confirmed. Or send it by a signed for delivery service, if you like. Taking information *in* is no breach of doctor-patient confidentiality; but stop expecting feedback because you won't get any.

Then again, if your mother won't see her what are you expecting the doctor to do? When's the next refill, do you know?

By the way, just noted a further comment: as the doctor won't speak to you, how do you know what the doctor believes the truth to be? I'm pretty sure that if this doctor, this mandated reporter, actually believed your mother's misrepresentations you'd already have been arrested. Do credit the physician with knowing her job.

You are dealing with a person who is mentally ill and possibly addicted to drugs. When she has her next fit, call 911, have her removed from the house, most likely she will be placed on physic hold, after that refuse to take her back home due to these issues. This will force the issue. Keep detailed records, recording all her out of control times, date, time, recap. If you live with her, move out and let the system take over.

You can write a letter with the patient's name and date of birth to her doctor.  Give the facts, not the emotions, and let the doctor know about the alarming effects you are seeing, the amount and strength of medications she is taking and very importantly, other medications she is taking from other doctors. Make a copy of this letter before you mail or give it to the doctor's front desk. Medical charts are often incomplete or inaccurate so the physician has no clue how accurate the medical record is.  Your letter will help tremendously. Again, just give the facts. No promises if the doctor will or will not act on it but at least you know the letter was written and you have expressed your concerns to the person who monitors your loved one's medical care.

Because of privacy laws, her doctor can not talk to you unless you have a medical power of attorney (and she is not competent) or you have legal guardianship of her (lengthy and expensive legal process).

If she is acting strange - as in overmedicated - take to the ER or call EMS. They can get her for inpatient treatment for overmedication or medication dependency issues (preferable term compared to OD which is near fatal). Unless she is declared incompetent, she has the right to live her life any way she chooses.

If she has signs of substance abuse/dependency that is interfering with her life and relationships, I recommend you both attend Alanon or a similar support group for family and friends of substance dependent people. You need to avoid co-dependency issues while trying to obtain better care for her.

Just wondering why you haven't either moved her out or left yourselves.

Lying and getting your wife thrown in jail is a BIG deal. You are correct that it could have adverse consequences for the rest of your lives. Plus, next time she will be believed again because your wife now has a record.

Her drugs obviously mean more to her then her wellbeing or you guys. Nothing can give you back your own wellbeing and reputation if she is allowed to destroy them.

Please get out before someone ends up in prison.

This is the VERY reason why I now have to stay away from my mom. I have to be very careful not to get into trouble, but because I cannot force her or get her to have an mental evaluation, therefore she is still of 'sound mind' (no she isn't) because of the stupid HIPPA law that keeps us caring adult children from helping our elderly parents from really hurting themselves.

HIPPA is is harming not helping. My mom is 88, and no one seems to be able to help me get her to a doctor for a psych eval so that I can move forward to get her out of a dangerous situation. Yet everyone agrees, she is in a dangerous situation. It's beyond me! Should be a 60 Minutes story, honestly.

"She has even accused my wife of physical abuse and has even called police and in effect my wife had to spend days in jail for domestic abuse."

You are prioritizing your mother over your wife.

Please move out and get away from this toxic situation.

Why on Earth would you not call 911 and have her taken to the hospital when she starts acting this way? If someone locks themselves in a bathroom for a week and doesn't eat by day 2 you should have called Adult Protective Services and the police. Frankly, someone is going to turn you in for elder neglect because to knowingly let someone stay in a bathroom and not eat for a week is neglect. Forget the doctor, he is the least of your problems, call APS and 911.

If you do not have the patient's permission and/or POA to access her chart and information, the doctor will *NOT* discuss anything with you. As long as you have permission to access her chart, the doctor should never withhold any information from you. If you are not POA or do not have written authorization to access her information, the doctor is protecting his client in accordance to Federal laws.

If you feel the doctor is abusing the patient due to over-prescribing narcotics, contact your local sheriff's department.