How do you go about getting a caregiver and does insurance pay them?

I would talk to everyone I know and ask if they can recommend a caregiver.

You can use a payroll service and pay them as an employee, you will be able to offer more then an agency pays and have more control of who is in your home and caring for your mom. A payroll service will ensure that your caregiver has all the benefits, ie workers compensation insurance, unemployment insurance, matching SS and Medicare. This protects you against lawsuits if they get injured.

When your dad comes will they both live with you or will they move into Assisted Living? I ask because sometimes it is easier for our loved ones to get settled and stay put, so it might make sense for mom to get a place now and then dad can join her.

I hope you find the best solution for your situation. It is so difficult and yours sounds especially challenging.

Your dad should at least be paying you for the care and every expense that relates to your mom's care. This is part of what they saved retirement money for. Personally, I don't understand what kind of person your dad is that he dumped his wife on you and didn't want to participate? Now he has more of a life and you lost yours? Please take a step back and think about the logic (and morality!) of this whole scenario. Your mom's care will only get more intense and stressful. Make a decision now rather than wait for a bigger crisis. I know you love your mom but please read the forum threads on caregiver burnout. Wishing you clarity.

Zorah, the only insurance that I know that would pay some of the cost of hiring a caregiver would be Long-term-care insurance.

Whatever you do, try not to quit your job to become Mom's primary caregiver. Too many times the stress and exhaustion can become very overwhelming, and up to 40% of such caregivers will die leaving behind the love one they were caring. When what?

Who is watching Mom while you are at work? Could your parents budget for Assisted Living/Memory Care for Mom? Do your folks own a house? Selling the house they could use the equity to help pay for the rent on Memory Care. The cost per month varies from area to area. It's around $5k per month on average.

Or your Mom could see if she can qualify for Medicaid [which is different then Medicare], then Mom could go into a nursing home and Medicaid would pay for her room/board and care. With your folk's home out of State, I don't know how Medicaid handles reimbursement of your Mom's care.

Too bad your Dad didn't come with Mom to help YOU OUT so that you can continue to be employed.