How do we stop the nighttime phone calls?

It sounds like she actually lives by herself from what you are saying. 24 hr care givers have ways to help her. So maybe you need to find another care giver? Night staff is not doing their job or they are sleeping. Sorry just an observation

Ammaroth I should have done so first, but I've only just looked at your profile. It states that your mother has mobility problems, nothing more.

Is this calling for help, and are her falls, a recent development? How long has it been happening? If these things are new, you should report them to her doctor and ask for a check up.

Just brainstorming a bit with you here...something is wrong with this picture. She doesn’t seem to see the aide as a go to.

Could you forward her phone to the aide? That way the aide gets a shot at resolving the problem before she (the aide) calls you. I have no idea how or if all calls can be forwarded to the aide. But as you are paying an aide to watch her at night the solution should involve the aide. Do some research on phones. Maybe a light or buzz would sound to alert the aide when mom picks the phone up. Are they all pushbuttom dials? Disable all but the aides number. Perhaps get a phone where she has to input the entire number. That might slow her down.

Perhaps a recording that says “Mom, I’m sleeping now. I need my rest. I’ll call you in the morning”. That could be on the aides phone so she can play it for mom.

Some are reporting good luck with the Alexa device. Do a search on Alexa on this site to see if you think that would help.

Put CBD drops in her water (or better under her tongue) so she rests and has less anxiety. (give brother some also). It works.

Get her an oximeter so that the aide can show her that her O2 is great. She can sleep with it on her night stand and check it often. The aide can check all her vitals before bed to see if that will make her comfortable that all is well.

Put a recliner in her bedroom so that the aide can rest nearby? If she calls one time after the cut off time, say 10 pm, then the aide comes into the room and sleeps the rest of the night. Make it a rule. If I saw your mothers number on my phone. I wouldn’t answer it. I would call the aide and let her go check things out. That way you are training both.

It is very common for mothers to train their caretaking children to make all the concessions until they wear their children out and someone dies (large % of the time the child) and mother winds up in a facility after all is said and done because she has been enabled to the point of making everyone else’s life unmanageable.

The day after she calls you at night instead of her calling the aide, you let her know you won’t be available to her as she has ruined your sleep. You must set some type of limit. Boundaries are needed for her and you and the aide. She has been allowed to become extremely self centered.

Or does she have dementia? You only mention mobility issues.

If she has dementia she will eventually quit calling. She will forget how. If she’s lost the ability to care about others then you have to take stronger action to protect your own health.

Dont be concerned about her being upset. Aren’t you upset? Isn’t brother? Do you think she’s worried about that? This is a team effort or should be.

Everyone gets to have access to essential life sustaining elements such as uninterrupted sleep. I would also be checking to see if she is sleeping too much during the day and has her nights and days confused. She might simply be bored.

Regardless, you need to partner up with the aides on letting mom know that the aide is the first responder for any problem as the aide is onsite.

BTW, I know it’s a pain but sometimes we have the wrong aide for the job. You need someone to work with you to resolve this problem. Cameras are helpful to see what mom is really doing during the day.
Let us know how it works out. We learn from one another.

Edit; sorry if my post was redundant.

I am wondering if a bed alarm would help.
The alarm would alert the aides that she is trying to get out of bed. They can then help if she does indeed need help.
If she has a hospital type bed that should be lowered as much as possible so if she does try to get out of bed she will not fall far and it will be difficult if not impossible for her to try to stand up by herself risking a fall.
If aides are not there all night for her it might be time to have one in over night.
I wonder if you made a recording..something like..
Everything is alright Mom... I will be over a little later.
The aide can play the recording of your voice as if she made a call to you. This might alleviate any anxiety that you mom has at the moment. With luck after hearing your voice she will fee comforted and will be able to go back to sleep.

It sounds as though the aides are treading a fine line already between monitoring your mother and intruding on her, seeing that they must have observed that she tends to get out of bed to go in search of a working phone.

All the same, I think I'd try placing a pressure alarm under her mattress so that they know promptly if she gets out of bed at night, and then actually taking the phone out of her room altogether between "lights out" and "reveille." How does she call them if she needs help during the night?

Are the aides trained in dementia care, specifically?

You say she has 24 hour help? Why are they not stopping this activity. Many with dementia are awake and confused all night. Do know that for HER, her complaints are real. If she does have 24 hour care that she can ring for help, then I feel her phone should be removed from her; she can contact her 24 hour care givers.