This is about control, he will shove it down your throat until he believes that your thinking is exactly like his, there will be no freedom of choice.
My second husbands father was a southern Baptist preacher. So we visited him, we had breakfast, we pray, thanking god in detail for every happening in his life, lunch again, dinner, repeat, So three days later I have had enough, he is saying his 5 minute thank you prayer for lunch, I do not bow to the prayer, I just sit there, quietly, after he gets done, he asks me why I did not participate, I told him that I had thanked the lord for all my meals at breakfast this morning, God can hear me give thanks all at one time, for the entire day, I don't need to waste my time or God's by repeating myself over and over again.
Well, that went over like a lead balloon, long story short, due to many reasons, all involving his constantly trying to convert me from a Catholic to a Baptist, I stopped going there, my husband went by himself.
Politely ask him to change the subject - if he will not and you are on the phone "I love you, dad, got to go, bye" or if you are in person "sorry, I have to go now - love you, dad" and hopefully eventually he'll get the message. I've had to do this with my mom - other issues - her yelling at me and trying to manipulate. It has worked - with me being firm and consistent. She behaves because she knows that if she does not - I will leave.
Grandma1954 made a comment similar to what I'm thinking. Perhaps he's preaching b/c it comforts him, i.e., he's giving voice to his own concerns, trying to reassure himself.
Think about what your family has gone through in the last years and ask yourself if he's become more anxious or concerned, more worried, perhaps insecure. If so, he might really be preaching to himself, trying to comfort himself b/c of the changes in his life.
Yes I have considered this possibility. He constantly worries about his sins and going to confession has become a manic obsession with him. He has become extremely mysogonistic in the last few years but probably always was, now he's more vitriolic about it. I can only assume that somewhere in his childhood that his mother paved the way in her disciplinary methods, therefore resulting in his anti women dogma.
Thanks for all your helpful advice. Thankfully he doesn't live with us just yet, and yes it is exceedingly irritating and draining. I believe in God and go to church but I'm an adult and don't need to be hammered to death with his religious fanaticism. It's basically turning me off going at all. My brother just cuts him off and my sister sees him as little as possible.
Yet? If you are having these issues now, living with you would be a disaster. Why not look into some homes affiliated with a local church, there are many around, he can then preach to the choir.
There are bits of the Bible that are beautiful prose and great sentiments. I read them happily to my nursing home people, even though I am not religious. Perhaps you could learn a bit and recite it to him. He might shut up and listen. The sermon on the mount (Matthew about chapter 5) could be a good start - I found that I agreed with all of it except on divorce, and then realised that in those days divorcing a wife usually condemned her to destitution or prostitution. Reciting yourself would probably stop you being so irritated by being forced to listen to him raving on.
The question really is does he have Dementia. If so trying to stop him is a lost cause. They get on something and won't let go.
If Dementia is not the problem, then your going to have to tell him that his preaching is turning u off not on. Tell him that he can believe as he wishes, u are now an adult and choose to believe as u wish. Constantly preaching at you is just irritating. Even ministers take a break. Religious minded people have been taught to "preach the word". I found in my younger days this just irritated me and turned me off. Now, I understand why people do it. Helps a little but I still don't appreciate being preached at.
He hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's but his memory is significantly worse and his cognitive impairment is gradually is becoming more evident. I've worked in Aged Care for the better half of my adult life. It's very sad when it's a loved one. My sister is too selfish to understand and my brother keeps his distance which is another conversation. My Dad says things which cannot me, not only religious things but critical things, which come across as insensitive observations now that I'm married and no longer living with him.
If he has dementia you don't. You cannot control a disease. A disease has no interest in your opinions or limits. If he is not demented, you leave when the preaching starts.
Preaching is really the same matter as any other subject our loved ones get stuck on. My mother will literally repeat her story, whatever it is, over and over and OVER again until I feel like I've jumped down the rabbit hole. Literally. And it's not just dementia related, as she'd do that even in her younger days before she was officially diagnosed with dementia. Nowadays it's just WORSE, that's all. I think the only answer is to either end the visit or the phone call, assuming you two do not live together (fingers crossed that you do not). If you live together, perhaps leave the room? I used to live with my grandmother when I was a child. She had a friend who'd come over & start the preaching immediately, about how I was 'going to hell for being bad' and all the assorted nonsense that goes along with that line of talk. I really HATED it a LOT and would vamoose out of her sight as soon as she got rolling. The boundary you need to set is this: once the holy rolling gets started, I'm rolling on OUT of here. The end. Assuming he does not have dementia, since you are not into that line of talk, you need to leave his presence if he doesn't stop after you've asked him to, especially if you can't distract him onto another subject. If he does have dementia, stay until you can't take it anymore and THEN leave. I mean, what else can can be done? Best of luck!!
I hope you don't mind my saying: you cud give dad a 'taste of his own medicine'... by preaching back 2 him! Try asking him to just 'pray for you' & tell him he has to trust God to do the rest. Meanwhile, you pray persistently that he will stop preaching to you, & he certainly will dear lady.
You mention that you are caring for you mother. Is your father living with you as well? (Or you living with them..same thing) If your father is aware of what he is doing, saying you can try to tell him to discontinue the conversation. You can leave the room. (as long as the person you are caring for is safe for you to do so) You can put on headphones or earbuds. If he also has dementia there is not much you can say to him that will change his behavior ..YOU have to change your expectations. Realize he will not stop his preaching. He will probably preach to anyone that comes into the house. All you can do is ignore and do not respond to what he is saying. (I know easier said than done..but you will never win an argument with a person with dementia)
If this is a "new" side to him did this start after your mother's diagnosis? If so he might be trying to find peace in the preaching, he may feel that if he does this it will help his wife be "cured". And if this is new and he has not been diagnosed with dementia it might be a decline he is showing and you might want to discuss it with his doctor.
No my mother is dead. She died this year in January and my father is alone. He is grieving her loss terribly and has been going downhill. But he can still drive and do his own shopping. We get on ok but yes I need to set boundaries. It's just that I feel sorry for him and as my sister and brother rarely see him through selfishness and intolerance, I'm the only one who listens to him. But I get extremely drained and depressed by his negativity and misery.
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My second husbands father was a southern Baptist preacher. So we visited him, we had breakfast, we pray, thanking god in detail for every happening in his life, lunch again, dinner, repeat, So three days later I have had enough, he is saying his 5 minute thank you prayer for lunch, I do not bow to the prayer, I just sit there, quietly, after he gets done, he asks me why I did not participate, I told him that I had thanked the lord for all my meals at breakfast this morning, God can hear me give thanks all at one time, for the entire day, I don't need to waste my time or God's by repeating myself over and over again.
Well, that went over like a lead balloon, long story short, due to many reasons, all involving his constantly trying to convert me from a Catholic to a Baptist, I stopped going there, my husband went by himself.
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Think about what your family has gone through in the last years and ask yourself if he's become more anxious or concerned, more worried, perhaps insecure. If so, he might really be preaching to himself, trying to comfort himself b/c of the changes in his life.
If Dementia is not the problem, then your going to have to tell him that his preaching is turning u off not on. Tell him that he can believe as he wishes, u are now an adult and choose to believe as u wish. Constantly preaching at you is just irritating. Even ministers take a break. Religious minded people have been taught to "preach the word". I found in my younger days this just irritated me and turned me off. Now, I understand why people do it. Helps a little but I still don't appreciate being preached at.
My Dad says things which cannot me, not only religious things but critical things, which come across as insensitive observations now that I'm married and no longer living with him.
If he is not demented, you leave when the preaching starts.
Best of luck!!
If your father is aware of what he is doing, saying you can try to tell him to discontinue the conversation.
You can leave the room. (as long as the person you are caring for is safe for you to do so)
You can put on headphones or earbuds.
If he also has dementia there is not much you can say to him that will change his behavior ..YOU have to change your expectations. Realize he will not stop his preaching. He will probably preach to anyone that comes into the house. All you can do is ignore and do not respond to what he is saying. (I know easier said than done..but you will never win an argument with a person with dementia)
If this is a "new" side to him did this start after your mother's diagnosis? If so he might be trying to find peace in the preaching, he may feel that if he does this it will help his wife be "cured". And if this is new and he has not been diagnosed with dementia it might be a decline he is showing and you might want to discuss it with his doctor.