Mom has always liked to travel & when we started this journey we went away a few times. It was doable but each trip was less enjoyable for me, since her needs increased. This trip is 16 hrs by car & of corse we’d break it up into 2 or 3 days if she’s with us. Without her we’d drive straight through. I’ve never hired a companion away from home & I don’t think she’ll like it at all. I would still spend time with her but I’m thinking 5pm to 9am someone would stay with her or take her to dinner then spend the night. Get her breakfast etc. That way I could continue enjoying time with my friend & get a good nights rest. I would take 1 of her caregivers but none can leave home for a week. I could hodgepodge her 24hr care but it would mean asking a sibling to stay 3 nights who isn’t interested & frankly doesn’t do a good job the 2 nights she covers a month now. Another caregiver would cover 2 instead of 1 night that weekend. Any emergency’s though & I would need to come home. Plus mom loved to travel & if I told her she’d jump at the chance no matter where we went but not sure once we arrive & I hired a companion she’d still be happy. Thoughts? She’ll be 91 in 3 months w/dementia but still manageable.
12 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Now, go on your OWN trip, your own time away without giving a thought to Mom. For me that would mean putting her in respite in Assisted Living facility that will do that. Will it be costly? Yes. Will she LIKE it. NO!!! A resounding no. All of life isn't about liking something. Not everything is perfect. You can't make everything perfect. It isn't your job to do that.
Yes, in an emergency you would have to return home. But in an emergency out of town? Well, I will say no more.
You deserve to have some time to yourself away.
You COULD just end up surprised. My brother's friend had to put his partner into Assisted Living while he went to care for his dying Mom in Puerto Rico. He thought it would be awful. But in fact returned to having Bob think during this time that he was in a hotel and on vacation. He would go to the desk a few times to say that he shouldn't have come on vacation without his partner, and they would say his partner was coming to get him really soon, and that was that. It may not go that well for you. She may not like it. That's life. Not all vacations are fun.
ADVERTISEMENT
The idea of taking her but having a part-time caregiver sounds dicey too. For one thing, your mother may not be happy with staying in while you go out. It could be seen by mom as excluding. "I'm going to dinner with the friend, you can't come, just stay here and I'll see you later." Of course you don't mean it like that, and maybe she'll understand, but I'd worry how it comes across to her.
You are very very thoughtful to think of her. That’s a lot of planning and juggling. You know what they say about the best laid plans though...
Things happen, then more finagling. I wouldn’t chance it and everyone will be out of sorts.
Plan once for care for her to be home. You go and have a blast. Have a drink for all of us. Make mine a gin and tonic please! Take lots of photos and share them when you return. Have fun!
You will be able to enjoy your visit. Without having to be a caregiver as well.
Is your mom on Hospice? If so Medicare will cover Respite the Hospice you are using either has in patient units or facilities that they work with to provide Respite.
Taking 2 or 3 days to drive 16 hours, then another 2 or 3 days back will eat into your time with your friend.
See All Answers