I want to move out of state and leave my 80-year-old mother behind. Help!

So good to hear she is excited to move to AL. So many folks are not. Enjoy your retirement.

We are moving my mom into the assisted living next weekend and she is overwhelmed by having to go through her things, but also excited! I told her to just focus on the things she is taking with and let me worry about the rest of it. I am helping as much as I can and will have time to get her situated--we haven't even found a house yet. She seems to be okay about our moving. In time if I think it is best, I would consider moving her to where we are going, but right now she has friends and a few other family members where we live. I still feel very guilty but am trying not to beat myself up too much about it. Anyway, I wanted to say thank you for your answers. It helps to get honest, unbiased opinions.

Like you said, it will be another year. Hopefully by that time Mom will be settled and into a routine. She will have people and activities. There's a new tablet out called Grandpad. May want to get it now and get Mom used to using it. There is all kinds of new things for keeping in touch. Your husband comes first. Visit as often as u can. Maybe you can take Mom to ur new home for a visit. Maybe every so often give brother a break so he can take a vacation. It can be done. Send her little "happys". Maybe a favorite candy or food.

Your husband is correct. You need to live your life. Will you be sad that these years of quality time you have left demand that you actually live your life? Yes, but you are lucky in having your brother there. Be honest. This is the time you have. Will you sacrifice and will you demand that sacrifice of your husband as well? Is that what your mother would have wanted of you when she was well. I am 77. My daughter is 56. It would KILL me to think she would sacrifice some of the best quality time of her life to lay on some altar of martyrdom to me.
Remember, not everything is without pain. Not everything is perfect. We do the best we can. Only good and decent people feel guilt. The psychopathic personality doesn't give it a thought.

My brother is her POA. We are not planning to move for another year, although we would own the house, so we will be there to get her settled. She does not have dementia. Just physical ailments.

Who is her medical Power of Attorney? It should be whoever is in closest proximity to her. There will be a period of adjustment for your mom once she's admitted...what is her mental condition? Does she have dementia? What's your husband's rush? You have the rest of your lives to be retired...If I were you I'd spend a little time getting her settled and then you won't feel guilty.