Mom doesn't like AL. Siblings are giving me a hard time about care & finances... Help!

Your mother is doing what most do when they go to AL, they whine and complain to anyone who will listen, this being your sister, it is a manipulation tactic. If your sister thinks she can do a better job, let her take mom into her home, I can guarantee you, she will start singing another song.

Don't let your sister bully you into anything. She can either take mom in or move into mom's house and take care of her. Those are her options, otherwise, there is nothing further to discuss..is there?

If necessary, go no contact with your sister, let her harass your brother.

I absolutely agree with the opinions of all posters below. I am so glad you are holding firm on the taking Mom home. Her monies were saved by her for her care, and are being used for that.
Something that might "work" for sister's needs to know (though probably not) is what I do for my bro. I manage his monies as I am both his financial POA and the Trustee of his trust. I pay all his bills. Just getting mailings coming to me, with everyone wanting a copy of POA and Trust documents is daunting. And I have a file that is "all his" in a very attractive wine box (!). Because my brother is rather MORE cognizant of everything than less, I make him a month statement of all monies coming into his trust (whether from SS or from CD interest) and all monies paid OUT each month. It is easily done once the grid is made on the computer. I have to keep these records ANYWAY, so there they all are. His copy he keeps in a binder. Were I to have a "questioning sister" as you do I would send HER a copy as well. That would be it. I would not discuss of argue with her, because I am in charge. Were she to want to take me to court, that's fine, as I could then present my records, copies and diary to the court.
And yes, as was said below, should your sister care to take on the care of her mother, in the interests of saving what she seems to see as her future inheritance, then do suggest she might like giving that a try.
I think the luckiest thing you have said here is that she has cut ties with you. As to convincing Mom, just tell Mom that at present you are unable but she might suggest moving in with Sister.
If the Sister would like to take on the POA and Mom would like that, give her the whole thing. You can take over being the gnat she is in everyone's tea.

Now that I've got over my initial outrage (see reply to BB, below)...

Your father died only six months ago, and everybody must still be very raw from that. So we must make certain allowances.

Was your mother living at home under your father's supervision up until then? How long has she been in her current ALF?

In the interests of charity I am assuming that your brother is hiding, and your sister is overcompensating. The important thing to do is put up your own emotional defences, and then carry on regardless until everyone has had more time to adjust.

Just one more question: your sister has cut ties with you, she is now "convincing mom that she should live at home" but you won't allow it - so if you're not in direct contact with your sister, are you getting this version of your sister's views from your mother? Doesn't mean it's wrong, of course, but it does mean you shouldn't necessarily swallow it whole.

By the way, unless your sister is included in the POA instructions, she has no more right to your mother's financial information than I have. It's important to keep those records immaculate, so well done there; and I would agree that sharing an overview of income and outgoings is sensible so that everyone knows what's what, but your sister has no business to demand it.

Yeah, I saw that. OP needs to call sister and say "Mom is going to come home and be cared for by WHOM?"

As in "Sis, you don't get to run my life".

By the way, you have every right to keep mom's finances private from your sister.

My brother was POA and I had no idea about what moms resources were, since that's the way she wanted it.

If mom no longer trusts you, perhaps it's time to move her to Sis's neck of the woods.

To sister: Sure she can come home. I'll be dropping her off at your home next Wednesday.

Sometimes being very forthcoming with costs does no good at all, as was my case. I was absolutely meticulous about keeping a spreadsheet and all receipts for four years as I knew it would blow up. When it did, court ordered an audit of finances and appointed a conservator for the audit. When audit was complete, conservator reported to the court there was nothing amiss, twisteds still did not believe this professional that there was no financial exploitation.

Over all that time, one receipt in the amount of $12.00 from Walgreens, was lost. Twisteds focused on that and never forgot about it. Some people just have to be right as a result of their vindictiveness and spite.

Your sister thinks mom should go home and be cared for by whom?

Does your sister have any idea what in home care costs, as opposed to AL?

Give her the numbers of some home care agencies and tell her she's free to call and set things up, but that YOU are not going to be involved; all emergency calls will go to her.

I love Barb's response. If this keeps up, have your mother go live with the sister.

Unless your mom specifically requested that you share her private financial information with your siblings you are violating your fudiciary responsibility to handle things as mom would have when she was of sound mind and able to make sound decisions by giving them this information.

If she did not request this I would send a certified letter to both siblings explaining that you have recently learned that you can not just share moms private information and you will no longer be doing so. Maybe get a certified elder law attorney (www.nelf.org) to help you understand what your responsibilities are as moms POA. There is a reason mom assigned you when she was in her right mind. You can use mom's money to do this, you are ensuring that she is protected from everyone, including yourself by having a disinterested trained professional take a look and guide you. This also helps you if your sister decides to go to law with her asinine requests and meddling. Hard to say the attorney was breaking the law. Most attorneys will give you a free consultation, schedule with every attorney in your area that is certified for elder law and have all your documents and questions written down, you are interviewing them to be your paid assistant, so if they don't offer a free consultation don't bother with them and choose one that is a fit for your needs, displays competence and understanding of your situation, you will know.

As POA you are able to limit or cut off contact for anyone that is harming your mom. If your sister doesn't stop keeping mom agitated and discontented because of her nonsense you are within your rights to stop her from having contact. This is extreme and last resort, but she is hurting your mom by sowing seeds that are dead on arrival and giving her false hope and keeping her stirred up all the time. It is something to discuss with the attorney.

As others have said, she can go live with your sister, however, if she is demented you have POAs and that can not be changed because mom is not able to make that decision. So you would have to resign and that would leave mom with no representative, not a good idea.

You are doing right by your mom and yourself, don't let your sister make it any harder than it already is. Hopefully, she will come around and see that mom is in the best place possible. It is challenging when you are not there to see what is going on and only hearing about it from the person that doesn't want all this change life is shoving down her world.

Our situations sound similar - I'm sure it's the plight of many a daughter (or son). My brother and sister help very little. In fact, I just got a call from my sister yesterday - first one in months - telling me she had gone to see mom and was surprised by her decline. I could've said "if you visited more often, you wouldn't have been so surprised." But I didn't. I'm just too tired and discouraged to keep fighting that battle. I heard some nasty comments and accusations about my handling of my mother's finances long ago. Those comments stopped when I asked mom if she wanted someone else to handle them - she said she didn't trust anyone but me - and when I offered to turn everything over to them and let them deal with it, they declined.

We used to have a good relationship, but I resent being the one stuck with all of mom's issues while they get to do whatever they please. I resent being the one who has to deal with the doctors, lawyers, trustee, bank, insurance company, and facility staff. I have no special background or knowledge that qualifies me more than them and I don't have POA. I just try to listen, take advice from people who have that kind of knowledge, and make the best decisions I can. I'm sure I've made mistakes, and I know I'll hear about them some day, but at least I tried and was honest in doing so. Best thing to do is just do your best, follow your instincts, make sure there are records of everything, and ignore the snotty remarks and neglect of your mom from the siblings. Yes, it will mean more work for you, but failing to engage with them over things like doc appointments or paying the hairdresser, whose turn it is to bring her home from the ER, and who never takes her shopping takes a certain amount of stress away. Grit your teeth, do what needs to be done and know in your heart that you did what's right even if it was difficult or inconvenient. You know you're going to get stuck with it anyways, might as well not have the stress of dealing with the siblings on top of it.