Do I insist or let my 82-year-old husband make his own decisions?

As to the eye. I had a vitreous separation with scarring that makes one of my eyes quite worthless. I do well with one eye. This can be addressed but only 50% chance of better vision and they suggest it NOT be addressed unless I were to lose vision in the other eye. I am 77.
As to the teeth. Many people do well with just gumming food, and unfortunately some parts of our country are almost without affordable dental care; that said the INFECTED tooth must be addressed, because the infection could go systemic.
I think you are playing the odds at some point. I wonder about going all out with many visits, much pain, with dentures at this point, so might let him make that decision, as well as the decision about his eye. However, the infected tooth? That's gotta go. IMHO.
You are really going the extra yards to try to figure out what is best for HIM, and so good of you to do so. Good luck. Give us an update when you have time.

Wait, the dentist did not prescribe an antibiotic or anything to clear up the infection?

That is a huge red flag for me and I would recommend seeing a different dentist.

My dad had to have all of his uppers removed and my dentist said because he is on coumadin and elderly the safest route would be an oral surgeon, the procedure took like 45 minutes from waiting room to walking out the door.

If your husband understands, I think he should be allowed to decide what will be done to his body.

I would address that infection though. Maybe he can gargle with colloidal silver and heal it up without antibiotics. I would try that 1st, I would not trust the dentist if he didn't address that infection, period. That is criminal in my opinion, oral infections are extremely dangerous.

Call your Area Agency on Aging and see if there are any services to help you get him to these doctor appointments. Ask his primary doctor to order him HH so he doesn’t have to go in as often. They can do blood work from home, bath him and provide physical and occupational therapy depending on your insurance. They could also do his INR testing for the warfarin. Do you have Traditional Medicare? It’s worth checking out these services for someone as compromised as your husband.
A geriatric primary would be good to switch him over to if possible. They might know of a dentist you could get him into that would take care of that one tooth and advise him on the others.
If it weren’t for the possible infection, I would be tempted to leave him be but he has a lot to be managed to stay status quo.
Try to budget for an aide on the days you have to take him out. If something happens to you, what will happen to him?
Call the Area Agency on Aging and see what you can find out. Let us know how things are going. You are amazing to handle all of this. He is very lucky to have you for his bride.

At this point, I think your husband should still have a say in his treatment. If he doesn’t want his teeth pulled, leave it be. Also, that Dentist should’ve given him an antibiotic for the infection.
If some of your husband’s Dr. appointments are absolutely not necessary, maybe you could cut back on some them? My mother in law is 81 and it really seems some of her Dr.’s keep her coming so often just for the money!

Hi Happy,
Sorry for the length of my post.  IMO that amount of appts seems excessive.  My Mom has glaucoma and we visit every 6 months.  The last appointment she could not participate in one of the tests.  The Dr was stumped on what to do.  I said we just forgo it, she can't do it.  Dr said I guess that will be fine.  We'll just monitor another way.  And why a different eye Dr for both of your husbands conditions? Two wallets to fill?  I'm sorry but I am cynical.  I would find one who can monitor/address both. You can only do what you can do and what makes sense.  Could a visiting nurse come to the house to check Coumadin and sugar levels?  I know of someone that monitors Coumadin levels at home with a meter and calls in results to Dr who then instructs to increase, decrease, skip a day, etc on the meds.  My Mom was scheduled for a colonoscopy.  I did some research on risk vs benefits and had a discussion with her Dr.  He said that with her history and current mental status, he agreed to forgo that test.  I had another Dr that wanted Mom's blood work checked every 3 months.  We did this for a couple of years.  A new Dr said that this was absurd.  No issues, why every 3 months?  I had a recent experience with my Mom.  She was light headed and falling.  Dr said this is what happens as dementia progresses.  I did some reading on blood pressure meds and found out if you are on a cocktail of 3 meds, take one in the AM and 2 in the PM to alleviate the dizziness.  I implemented, it worked, and Mom is fine.  Dr never suggested this and once I told her what I had done she said, great, glad that worked.  We know our loved ones, we can see their symptoms and changes.  The quality of life must factor in with our caregiving.  My Mom is also diabetic.  The Dr would say NO sugars for her.  She is diabetic.  I say, SOME sugars for her is just fine.  I do this while keeping her sugar levels in check BTW.  She is only on metformin, no insulin.  Speaking of metformin, my Mom wasn't taking her med years ago because she couldn't comfortably swallow it.  It's a large pill.  I spoke to Dr about it and he said cut in half.  My Mom still had an issue and Dr has no suggestion.  I spoke to the pharmacist about this and they told me about a liquid form of metformin which Mom now uses.  Dr's don't know everything is my point and continue to advocate.  I wish you and your husband the best and he is lucky that you are looking to improve his quality of life not simply extending it.  Lastly, your quality of life matters too! Sorry for the length of this post but thought my experiences might help you or other readers :-)

First of all, your husband is very lucky to have such a supportive spouse. In regards to the dental concerns, could the dentist give him an antibiotic for the infection? The bigger concern though is the fact that he has mild dementia. Has your husband and you as well executed a durable power of attorney for health care and advanced directives? This is an important document to have especially for when the dementia progresses and he no longer can make decisions. If he isn't in pain and he can eat with his own teeth, I would let him be. After all, getting dentures is an lengthy process.

Having dealt with a father inlaw until he was 97. and now dealing with a mother in law in her mid 80s I say whatever makes them happy, unless it is real danger to him or to you. The teeth issue they should be able to just pull the bad tooth and or give him an antibiotic. A torn retina damages his eye site it is not threat to him. At his age and condition going the whole false teeth route is probably time consuming, painful and expensive. All that recovery time at home you will have to live that as well as him.
as far the infection goes he may be thinking let that be. My Step Mother at 89 fell and broke her hip. She declined surgery. After surgery there was going to be 16 months of rehab and learning to walk again. She said no thanks. about 10 days later the infection took her. She was happy to go. She had lived a long happy life. She hated being a growing burden to her children.
Modern medicine keeps us alive FAR longer than we would with out it. At some point modern medicine just becomes worse than the letting nature take its course.

About the infection, that can make the dementia seem to progress more rapidly. Address the infection and memory/behavior will improve.

I would be leery of any dentist recommending pulling all the teeth! I had one that wanted to pull 4 out of my DH's mouth and he was 96. Through their own stupidity, we wound up across the highway at another dentist who said there was no reason to pull any teeth and he rebuilt the 2 that were a problem.

Needless to say, we never went back (more to the story but now is not the time). It would have cost $1500+ for the teeth to be pulled and it cost $500 to have 2 rebuilt. Do the math. And get another opinion on his mouth/teeth. You cannot even imagine the pain of pulling all the teeth.

And yes, too many doctors does get tiresome.

Treat the infection, leave his teeth. I am 81. I had all my teeth pulled four years ago and I'm still trying to get things in my mouth back to OK. Let his teeth fall out if and when they will. I don't mean to be crude or unsympathetic, but I'll bet his teeth last longer than he does. As we grow older we have to begin thinking that way. Doctors and Dentists want to do everything they can to "fix" a problem, but the often look only at the problem, failing to take the consequences of going after the problem into consideration, not only in the life of the patient but the lives of all around them. They can easily fail to see the problem in the context of a patients entire life, including life prospects.