How do you deal with someone who will not go to Dr. to get diagnosis and doesn't do anything for themselves?

This is probably not a popular answer...but in my situation with same stubborn, in denial family members..I step back and have to wait for something really bad to happen, because that is when they will do something. I was stressing myself out, worrying and trying to help, but could not. People have to make their own decisions and own the consequences. YOU have to realize that you are doing the best you can and not own any guilt, ok? Best wishes.

You say that the more you do to help her, the less she does for herself. I think that you do see the pattern quite clearly. So then the answer is not to do so much for her, because thereby you are actually harming her. Stay away for a while. When she calls ask her what she is doing for herself and what progress she is making. I would make it clear to her that she is responsible for herself. She is still relatively young. You are not specific about what you seem to feel are some failings of the mind, but this could just be a sort of learned helplessness going on. Time to let her do things for herself; encourage independence. We will all go toward dependence should we have to live so long; but while able we should be encouraged. It truly is, as we age, a matter of use it or lose it.

Tell her to be her own doctor. Research nutrition, lifestyle, and alternate forms of healing. Then leave her be, since she won't listen to you.

You've gotten good advice as i see it....and reminds me of a saying i heard many years ago....
"Lack of planning on your part does not mean an emergency on my part." So another's lack of action does NOT mean it has to become my problem/emergency. And it's not that one does not care about the other person. Encouraging a person to take control & responsibility for themself is a caring thing to do.
I acknowledge that it is personally painful to watch the other needy person struggle, but that is how that person can grow.

I suggest you go to a Co-dependency support program for friends/family of alcoholics/drug abusers. Just because your sister is "clean" does not mean that her thinking is. You need strategies for "helping her" that do not lead to resentment or co-dependency.

Feel free to give her doctor contact information and let her make her own appointments. When she brings up how ________ prevents her from doing so, remind her that she is responsible for her own life choices and their consequences.

If you are a person of faith, offer to pray for her.... then do so, on the spot.

Bellini, try this just as an exercise to see how it makes you feel.

What about: what if I stop trying to deal with this person?

I'm assuming this is your sister that's worrying you. You have tried and tried and tried, and it has made no difference to her wellbeing.

Or rather, it's made no improvement: it may possibly even be that the attention she gets from your constant efforts reinforces her habit of self-sabotage.

Stop, and see what happens. You can always intervene if it's anything worse.

I'll double down on the "wait for something to happen" . .Again, in my case.
I should've NOT helped my mom move back into her home after her hospital/rehab stay: installing grab bars, removing rugs, auto-lights (for night-time), making the downstairs livable as one unit . .. and a myriad of other things I did for her in her house. No to mention I made seven 600 mile round trips in 2 months, and spent some of my $$ to get her back home. Looking back. BIG MISTAKE.

At first, she was extremely thankful and so happy to be back in her home! But then when she realized all the changes, OMG, the rath I got from her! Even her friends (the two she has left) are in shock at how she badmouth's me after seeing all that I did for her. Actually, I'm not sure she has those friends anymore, although I am in contact with them.

Cripes. Now, I can't even get near her. She's changed all the locks - yeah . can you believe that?? So, I'm just waiting for that phone call .

It hurts, but what else can I do?

I tried to get her to go to the doctor to get her brain evaluated. That failed. She hates doctors. Yet her distain for doctors is what made her end up with a $10K hospital bill and a $12k bill for in-home care. Medicare turned down her pay because her hospital episode was totally preventable. It was.

So, now I just wait. But everyday now is torture for me in a way. So, I feel your pain. But really, all you can do is sit back and wait for something to happen.

Next time my mom gets admitted to the hospital, I will make sure she won't be able to return to her unsafe home and way of life in her elderly stage of life.
She will have earned it.

Does she throw a tantrum when you won't help her? Because this is how they get their way. Also I agree with the learned helplessness thing. Be strong, and in turn you will help her to be strong. Good luck.

Your sister I probably afraid of going to doctors b/c they might find things medically wrong with her or give her advice she doesn't want to follow. What is she asking you to help her with? Day to day chores and errands or medical symptoms?

If she complains repeatedly about "medical" symptoms but doesn't follow through with a doctor, tell her to "Either stop complaining or do something about it." That something meaning see a doctor.

I confess I have to tell MYSELF that sometimes.

"The more I do to help her the less she does to help herself."

Tell THAT to every health professional that is involved, Doctor, hospital social worker, area of aging etc.

You have seen & lived it & you got it!

It took me a while to come to this realisation with MY sister - but that is exactly it! Now my eyes are open & while HER situation has not improved, I am doing so much better as the guilt is dissolving. I am no longer thinking "I have to do it all for her"... buy groceroes, drive where she needs to go, make her attend appointments - all the endless needs.

Now I am thinking "I will be her advocate" to speak up for her when her life crumbles ie boat starts sinking. Better for both of us if I am off the sinking boat. I can be on shore waving for help.