I have never worked so hard in all my life. I find it impossible to keep up with all the coordination of care plans & keep my own self care.

I'm going to weigh in on this from a 'burnt to a crisp' attitude.

I was dxed with cancer 4 months ago. A shot out of the blue and not good timing (is it ever??) I'm treating and doing well.

The previous 2 years I had been deeply and horribly involved in helping 4 people I thought were 'friends'. Being there for them at the drop of a hat, along with caring for a hubby who had 2 'widowmaker' heart attacks in the midst of my involvement with these people. PT caring for a mother who kind of hates/resents me and dealing with her jailer/caregiver, my YB who will not allow me to do anything for her, yet refuses her smallest request if he feels like it.

And the usual family dramas--a very sick daughter going through a terrible pregnancy and needing in home help for 24 weeks...she lives 3000 miles away!

All this AND caring for my home, running the whole show--gratitude? Some, but I very slowly came to realize that I was running on high speed and was suffering from depression and anxiety and feeling like I was failing at everything.

In the course of about 4 month, 3/4 of the 'friends' felt that I was not doing a good enough job for them, or something...I don't know. One just moved and changed her phone number and she's in the wind. One got mad at me for cutting her off my credit card--which she ran up to $4K without anyway of paying me back. Blamed ME for the F-up her life is because she cannot make a decision--and when I cut her off (leaving a full month's rent and utilities on the card--I'm not a monster) she said "Great, now what am I going to do?" She has not really spoken to me since (My church reimbursed me for the CC, but not for several months, so there was a lot of stress there) Third friend got mad at me for not supporting her in a Nigerian catfishing scheme. (You must wonder how I find these yahoos!) I told her I was worried about her and she cut me off flat. won't talk, defriended the FB thing...all of it.

All along my DH is getting really steamed at me b/c my JOB is to take care of him and the house and work a PT job if it fits into the schedule. He could see me melting down and would get angry...but I didn't listen.

My FIRST meeting with my oncologist, he asks me, straight out "Have you been under a LOT of extra stress in the past year or so". Dh looks at the doc and me and says "tell him the truth". I did--all the gory details and he said "One of the primary triggers in the type of cancer you have is stress. The cancer has lain dormant for years. You simply couldn't outrun it any more. What changes are you going to make? what are you willing to give up?"

Wow-what a wake up call.

First went the PT caregiving for mother. She doesn't care and I don't miss it.
Then, with some therapy, letting go of toxic relationships that were just dragging me down.
Then caring for myself, whatever it takes. I went to bed yesterday at 5 pm and got up at 9 am today. (Chemo on Thursday-kicks butt).

I can care for my house, grocery shop, do laundry-all the usual, but at a slower pace.

And I say no a lot. I do compassionate service, try to do something each day except for the 5 following chemo--not really a good idea. But I don't let people bully me.

I did do a quick "Kondo cleaning" prior to starting chemo and having an organized house really helps. DH travels most of the time and he has been gone more than he's been home, so I CAN baby myself.

Hired out what I could afford to hire out (yard work) and let the guilt go.

CHARTS AND CALENDARS for each 'event' on the fridge. I am forgetful and w/o these reminders I'd miss important things. Each night I see what's in the works for tomorrow and cross off today.

I'm 5 weeks away from a 21 week chemo regimen, and I DO NOT plan to go back to the hyperactive squirrel I was before.

I am important. And for the first time in my life, I realize the mind/body connection is VERY powerful.

Take care of you first.

I wish I could find a way to do this also. I am supposed to have weekly records for all my care for my mom since January. I have been only taking 3.5 hours of pay for myself at $15 an hour. I guess if I stop my own personal care, don’t sleep, don’t clean the house, do laundry, mow the lawn. I’ll have time to do everything for my mom on top of her total care. Oh but my sister did help for 2 hours last weekend. BFD.

I struggle with this. Whatever you can throw money at to take a job off the table is probably the answer. Cleaning service, home care aid, grocery delivery or hire someone for errands, etc. do you have kids that can take over a task, like phone calls to an insurer or whatever. I am not successful with this most of the time, unfortunately, and would love advice myself. I am always in the weeds.

It's not really possible to maintain it without it affecting our own health and wellbeing. There is a toll for sure. That's why respite, and getting support services in place is vital. If you sense this is still too much after putting services in at home consider permanent placement.

I was curious and went to look at the plate you are currently dealing with. It is overly full. What kind of support do you have, Mickey, because I cannot imagine how you will keep up with this if trying to do it alone. The issues with your elder will become worse.
Can you tell me a bit about the Sister and her child? Do all live somewhat independently of you, with you responsible for running around between all the needs?

I feel your pain. Yes it is difficult. Sometimes I get up at 4 am just to have some time for myself. Even when you have a social worker/case manager to help, you still have to be on top of things.
It helps me to make to-do lists for either the day or the week, and just focus on that. I try to triage what is important at that time, and let less important things slide if I have to. It keeps me from being completely overwhelmed.

By prioritizing.

What has to be done - do it. What can wait, let it wait.

That's how I was a 24/7 Caregiver for my DH for 3 years.

I started a Bullet Journal in July, which I use to keep in one portable notebook everything I need to do, thoughts on how plans are working, ideas for future improvements. Most of all, my Bullet Journal helps me figure out what really needs doing, and what makes sense for me to let go of.
One caveat, many people use their Bullet Journal as an art journal too, and making simple planners into beautiful works of art. If you are interested in something very simple just to start keeping up you might want to avoid Pinterest (totally intimidating) and just Google “Minimalist Bullet Journal.” Start slow and simple, because the last thing we caregivers need is more overwhelm!

Thanks for this question. I thought it was just me. I know I'm getting old and slowing down, but there just aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done. I'm looking forward to reading the answers.

Get help. If you are meeting daily, weekly, hourly schedules, meeting requirements and goals, you are running a business, and nobody runs a business without help (except maybe Ebenezer Scrooge). Get someone in for an hour or two and go out and get your hair done, and while you are in the salon and away from it all figure out where you need help. You can get qualified help from several sources such as Home Care Agencies, even your community or county social worker can give you helpful information. If you attend church you may have a source of help there, if not counseling and other forms of support. But get yourself out of the thirty-six hour day. Better days are ahead!