We took away our step-mothers, she was leaving them everywhere, she has a small amount of cash but that is it. Both her and her husband turned their licenses in, no more driving. Being able to drive and knowing where one is going are two different things.
No, you cannot take that risk. I think I would as someone else said, give him what you think he needs. Tell him you're stickley using cash now. Truthfully we all would spend less if we did. I know with any kind of dementia you have to be careful with how you say things.
As far as driving you didn't ask. I'll just say this. My husband drove longer than I wanted him to. When you're dealing with an unreasonable person as dementia/Alzheimers people seem to lose reasoning first, mine did, it's a hard thing to stop. I worried a lot about how I was going to do this. One evening I was going to just pick up fast food. My husband insisted he'd get it. He was going less than 2 miles so I said ok. It was an hour and a half before he called. He had gotten the food and went right instead of left I guess. Anyway he wound up about a half hour away and I'll never know where he was or how far he drove around. He ask the service station attendant where he stopped to call me and wanted me to come get him. I took my brother-in-law to drive his truck home. He was happy to ride with me. He said he was giving up his license but forgot by the time he got home and said he would go to get hot fast food. I said, no we will heat what we have. After that he continued driving and I went with him but I politely made sure I got out the door first and in the driver's seat. Prior to that he always drove when we were together and wouldn't listen when he made a wrong turn. I prayed a lot, God, please keep us and everyone else safe. Finally he lost his keys. I found them but kept telling him we had to find them. I'm very surprised he didn't ask for mine, but so thankful he didn't. I won't try to tell anyone how to handle that situation, just that I know how difficult everything is. God bless you!!!
Are there store accounts you could set up & pay over the phone/online? He just has ro collect?
Or I would set up another account, with a new card with approx $200 or so in it. No credit limit. Just a plain debit card or debit visa/mastercard. Do you have online banking access? Most banks here have an easy app - you can jump online & stop card asap.
Same idea with cash. Just give out one note, not much more than the cash required for the errand.
I'm picturing doing this now with my DH. There is no reasoning with dementia so I think you may need to be *creative*.
"These new cards the bank sent are great". "The ATM would only give me $20 that's all I have on me". That sort of thing.
I love that he is useful & probably feels useful too. I wish we had more dementia friendly shop assistants...
Are there store accounts you could set up & pay over the phone/online? He just has ro collect?
Or I would set up another account, with a new card with approx $200 or so in it. No credit limit. Just a plain debit card or debit visa/mastercard. Do you have online banking access? Most banks here have an easy app - you can jump online & stop card asap.
Same idea with cash. Just give out one note, not much more than the cash required for the errand.
I'm picturing doing this now with my DH. There is no reasoning with dementia so I think you may need to be *creative*.
"These new cards the bank sent are great". "The ATM would only give me $20 that's all I have on me". That sort of thing.
I love that he is useful & probably feels useful too. I wish we had more dementia friendly shop assistants...
Are there store accounts you could set up & pay over the phone/online? He just has ro collect?
Or I would set up another account, with a new card with approx $200 or so in it. No credit limit. Just a plain debit card or debit visa/mastercard. Do you have online banking access? Most banks here have an easy app - you can jump online & stop card asap.
Same idea with cash. Just give out one note, not much more than the cash required for the errand.
I'm picturing doing this now with my DH. There is no reasoning with dementia so I think you may need to be *creative*.
"These new cards the bank sent are great". "The ATM would only give me $20 that's all I have on me". That sort of thing.
I love that he is useful & probably feels useful too. I wish we had more dementia friendly shop assistants...
5 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
As far as driving you didn't ask. I'll just say this. My husband drove longer than I wanted him to. When you're dealing with an unreasonable person as dementia/Alzheimers people seem to lose reasoning first, mine did, it's a hard thing to stop. I worried a lot about how I was going to do this. One evening I was going to just pick up fast food. My husband insisted he'd get it. He was going less than 2 miles so I said ok. It was an hour and a half before he called. He had gotten the food and went right instead of left I guess. Anyway he wound up about a half hour away and I'll never know where he was or how far he drove around. He ask the service station attendant where he stopped to call me and wanted me to come get him. I took my brother-in-law to drive his truck home. He was happy to ride with me. He said he was giving up his license but forgot by the time he got home and said he would go to get hot fast food. I said, no we will heat what we have. After that he continued driving and I went with him but I politely made sure I got out the door first and in the driver's seat. Prior to that he always drove when we were together and wouldn't listen when he made a wrong turn. I prayed a lot, God, please keep us and everyone else safe. Finally he lost his keys. I found them but kept telling him we had to find them. I'm very surprised he didn't ask for mine, but so thankful he didn't. I won't try to tell anyone how to handle that situation, just that I know how difficult everything is. God bless you!!!
ADVERTISEMENT
Are there store accounts you could set up & pay over the phone/online? He just has ro collect?
Or I would set up another account, with a new card with approx $200 or so in it. No credit limit. Just a plain debit card or debit visa/mastercard. Do you have online banking access? Most banks here have an easy app - you can jump online & stop card asap.
Same idea with cash. Just give out one note, not much more than the cash required for the errand.
I'm picturing doing this now with my DH. There is no reasoning with dementia so I think you may need to be *creative*.
"These new cards the bank sent are great". "The ATM would only give me $20 that's all I have on me". That sort of thing.
I love that he is useful & probably feels useful too. I wish we had more dementia friendly shop assistants...
Are there store accounts you could set up & pay over the phone/online? He just has ro collect?
Or I would set up another account, with a new card with approx $200 or so in it. No credit limit. Just a plain debit card or debit visa/mastercard. Do you have online banking access? Most banks here have an easy app - you can jump online & stop card asap.
Same idea with cash. Just give out one note, not much more than the cash required for the errand.
I'm picturing doing this now with my DH. There is no reasoning with dementia so I think you may need to be *creative*.
"These new cards the bank sent are great". "The ATM would only give me $20 that's all I have on me". That sort of thing.
I love that he is useful & probably feels useful too. I wish we had more dementia friendly shop assistants...
Are there store accounts you could set up & pay over the phone/online? He just has ro collect?
Or I would set up another account, with a new card with approx $200 or so in it. No credit limit. Just a plain debit card or debit visa/mastercard. Do you have online banking access? Most banks here have an easy app - you can jump online & stop card asap.
Same idea with cash. Just give out one note, not much more than the cash required for the errand.
I'm picturing doing this now with my DH. There is no reasoning with dementia so I think you may need to be *creative*.
"These new cards the bank sent are great". "The ATM would only give me $20 that's all I have on me". That sort of thing.
I love that he is useful & probably feels useful too. I wish we had more dementia friendly shop assistants...