My husband and I retired to Texas. The next week his mother fell. I'm afraid the stress will kill him. What can I do?

Most important questions: does your husband also think it's a problem, or just you? Is your husband on board with changing anything? If his mother keeps demanding and resisting and he keeps caving in and appeasing but he himself doesn't/won't see the adverse affects, I'm not sure if any advice listed here will help you. Can you please give us an idea if he is amenable to changing the routine? Thanks!

She wouldn't have had a choice. She is in a NH. What does it matter if its WI or TX. If she was private paying for a NH she would have had to live near me. Parents can be so selfish not thinking how they effect the life of their children. Where ur husband needs to be is with you.

Your husband needed to set boundries 5 yrs ago. But, in that time your health has probably gotten worse. This is his excuse. Really, by this time she should have acclimated to her NH. But, I bet she calls constantly. That is STRESS in itself. Let her go to Voicemail or even block her from ur landline. With your cell, put it on "do not disturb". She will go straight to voicemail. Allowing the staff to ring thru. You can do so much with a cell phone.

If nothing has gotten better in 5 years, then DH needs a good sit down with Mom. Telling her he just can't go on like this. Its effecting him physically and mentally. She needs to realize he is aging too. He needs to tell her if she is going to continue to act like a child, he will treat her like one. That your health is such, he needs to be home caring for you.

My question is, does she still need all these doctor visits. I found that I could drop some of Moms Specialists when she became stable and it was just a yearly visit. I allowed the doctor associated with the NH to take over her care. Can you maybe find someone willing to take Mom to Dr. Visits. The doctor or office nurse calling you with any findings. Bloodwork can be done at the NH. They even have mobile Xray companies. Her finances can be done online. If she is on Medicaid, allow the facility to become her payee for SS and pension if she has one.

There are ways to help lighten his load.

Could you give a little more information, please? How old are you, MIL and your husband? How often does your DH go away to spend 6 weeks with her? How does she cope with the nursing staff when he is not there? Are there any other family members involved with her? How do you cope wiht your own health problems when he is away? It certainly doesn't sound as though this is a good situation, and it may go on for many years. Please let us help with ideas.