Mom is 81, living alone in the same home she raised my brother and myself. She has some cognitive decline. I want her to see a geriatrician, to get her established in a practice so they can get a baseline on her. She refuses on the grounds that her primary doctor will refer her if he thinks she needs it. She will not see the value in becoming an established patient before something happens and we need to scramble around and perhaps end up with a someone we would not have chosen. I think she is living in fear of what a geriatrician will say regarding her memory. She is also depressed and has been for years but will not admit it or agree to an assessment for that either. She is of the generation where any talk of mental health is shameful. She doesn't believe in mental health treatment, and if you need it, it means you need a straight jacket and rubber room. Any tips on how to get her to accept age-appropriate care?
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I have written her PCP two letters describing her situation, but she does not go regularly. She has no real physical health concerns and takes no medicine other than OTC allergy meds and Tylenol. If she gets a sinus infection she goes to urgent care for antibiotics.
Fearful, depressed and inflexible hit the nail on the head. She would have to travel to see a geriatrician as she lives in a very small town. I live in a larger city 1.5 hours away, and I'd of course be willing to drive her to and from. My brother is 7 hours away and working so he is less flexible, although no less willing to help.
Bro and I have brought up the geriatrician issues when everyone is relaxed and it never gets aggressive. She is just so set in her ways that she can't think beyond what she needs right this moment.
It sounds as though a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist is what is needed most right now. If her PCP recommended that, would she go?
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Hopefully she has her other ducks in a row, like assigning a durable PoA, Medical Directive, DNR, Will, etc. If not please see if she is open to doing this -- it will be extremely important in the times you will need it. Otherwise you'll be powerless to help her. Good luck!