As the only child near my elderly parents what can I do to get more help?

If your sister acts like she is the PoA, why not just let her manager the care? It seems apparent that, even though you've tried to give them accurate info, they are wilfully ignoring it so you have done all you can on that front. She will find out the hard way that the two are not the same.

You state that your dad "probably" has late stage demential. So, he has never gotten an actual diagnosis from an actual doctor? Whoever takes him to next appt should request the cognitive evaluation, just so it is in his records and everyone knows his actual state. He may just have an undiagnosed UTI, or other health issue that mimics the symptoms of dementia. Same goes for your mom. Don't guess at this stuff...you're not doctors.

JoAnn29 is correct that without enough funds for LTC his only option is to apply for Medicaid. This is where a financial PoA will be necessary unless you get social services involved, in which case they may need to get legal guardianship of him and then they will be making all the decisions and where he gets placed.

Someone should download the durable PoA paperwork for your state and bring them to your mom to sign and the family and mom be in agreement as to the financial and medical PoA. You can have more than one PoA but they should be mature, reliable, organized, transparent communicators and local to your mom...and willing to do whatever is required.

It's hard to give any more advice without more details. You state you don't want to "go through this again" so the advice I would give is to stay out of the caregiving management as much as possible and let your sister do it. You can participate in other ways, maybe financially or other. Your family situation sounds ripe for discord so as best you can don't add to it -- for yours and your parents' sake. Blessings!

It depends on their income. Where I live in NJ, Office of Aging can supply an aide if one is available. Medicaid can help with homecare if their income is low. For Dad, Medicaid will help in paying for his longterm care. Mom will be considered a Community spouse and have enough money to live on. This maybe where youcwant to start. With Medicaid. Its time for Mom to realize she can no longer do the caregiving. Make an appt and take ur parents financials with you. If Dad qualifies, their assets will be split. Ex: my GFs parents had 60K inbthe bank, SS and a pension. Not sure how SS and pension were split but the 60k was split in half. Dads, who needed care, was spent down then Medicaid took over. Mom remained in the home and had the car. From what I saw, she did well on her own.

Go to your County Social Service office and see what kind of help is available. Your Office of Aging maybe able to help too.