What to do when elderly refuse to go to nursing home?

I read ur profile saying you are caring for ur BIL. Does he live on his own home or in your home?

If he is 87 than you and DH are about the same age and probably can no longer do his care. If he is alone, call APS and tell them u can no longer do the care and can they evaluate him for services he maybe able to get to keep him in his home. If he lives with you, same thing call APS or Office of Aging to have your situation evaluated.

I agree with Samsung137. Put yourself in your BIL's shoes to understand what it feels like to be "pushed" into a massive decision that you may not be ready for mentally/emotionally. It may be a terrifying thought. If BIL has all his mind, try small, unemotional conversations that involve reason and logic and reality (that you and hubby can't care for him to the degree he currently needs, that there is more social possibilities in a care community, that you acknowledge it's a big change, etc). Bring him photos of facilities you have vetted so that he sees "bad old nursing homes" are a thing of the past (mostly). Crunch the numbers for him if finances are or will eventually be an issue. Maybe offer an option of in-home care by an agency to give you and hubby a break (but not a permanent solution, just until he can accept the next move). Hope this helps! Good luck!

It's best not to push too hard, too soon. Seeking expert advice with a Health Professional, Social Worker or a Priest, Rabbi, Minister with your LO present as they can offer options and solutions that may be taken more to heart then from a family member. Sometimes it takes time but be methodical and loving in your approach. Good luck to you.