My mother wants her own apartment, but makes dangerous decisions. What do you do?

With her issues I don’t see how she could manage safely on her own. You would most likely constantly be concerned.

I suppose a facility would be best in order to have 24/7 care for her. Otherwise what choice do you have other than hiring caregivers to stay with her which would become quite expensive.

I hope you find the solution that is best for everyone. Good luck in being able to get her to cooperate. If not, simply tell her there are limited options.

She may have to apply for Medicaid and move into a facility since assisted living is above her budget.

Would she qualify for veteran benefits? Was her spouse a veteran that served during war time? They may be able to offer financial assistance and then she can possibly afford an assisted living facility.

I have a similar situation with my mother, too. She is planning on going back to own apartment and thinks that she will be able to have someone in there to do for her a couple of times a week. She also plans on being able to do all of her ADLs as well, even though it isn't happening here in my home. Why, because I help her with them. I worry about the missed medicines and forgotten stove left on and all the rest. She doesn't eat great here, and she won't eat a healthy diet there.
Someone told me, you just have to let them go if that is what they want. The more you try to talk someone with cognitive issues out of living alone the more the resist and the more they showtime with people who encourage them to do what they want to do.
Meanwhile, it's almost an oxymoron for them to live independently if they are having help getting to that point and having help maintaining that independence. Just my opinion.
Hope it all works out for you.

It no longer matters what she wants because it doesn't comport with reality. She needs to go into a care community for the many reasons you listed above.

Do you have durable PoA for her? I hope she has all her legal ducks in a row.

Find an acceptable, local facility that has a continuum of care (from AL to MC to hospice) and make sure they accept Medicaid. Get her into one even if she has to start out with private pay. Otherwise, Medicaid recipients will be on a waiting list and who knows how long that will be. She will use up the money that she was hopefully saving for this purpose. Not sure what the Medicaid threshold is in your state but the app processing usually takes at least 3 months. When she is close to using up all her assets, then apply for her. The NH cannot kick her out when she goes on Medicaid. She will receive the same care as private pay residents, only she will be in a shared room. My MIL is on Medicaid in a wonderful place.

You are obviously in fear of this woman still. Don't be. Do what's right for yourselves and for her, which means a facility that will take care of her properly and give you privacy, rest and peace of mind. Don't fear the resistance from her -- she is no longer capable of understanding why she can't live on her own. Don't waste any time or energy pandering to something that cannot be. It's a dumpster fire that will eventually land in your lap, so take care of it now. Wishing you peace in your heart and confidence in your decisions.

There are things you can research between living with you and living alone. Things like a home care service who will visit her as often as you feel she needs it and help her do those things. It’s probably not a good idea to idea to leave her on her own if she has cognitive and memory issues. Stovetops and ovens can be left on, Meals and meds can be forgotten. You know all this. We live near Akron, Ohio and when I was looking for help, I googled “help for Seniors in Ohio”. I found two agencies I could apply for. There were income limits that had to be met and we did not, but your mom might. There is a wealth of information on the Internet if you look, and you can tailor it to her needs.