What do you do when your 77 yr old mom refuses care or meds and lives alone with no help? I'm the only one trying.

I would call APS and see what your responsibility would be. I would also make sure when EMTs are turned away they make a record of it. I would also get a DNR in place and have it put where easily found.

Yes. Pretty much. For someone with a congenital heart problem she has already lived quite long. So if you do find her dead there is always that comfort. And there is the comfort that she "did it her way". If she is this ill and helpless, at some point it will come to crisis. Meanwhile I would back away. Do not call EMS if she has asked you not to call them. In fact suggest she make out a POLST with her doctor that refuses EMS care and heroic measures. It is her life. It is her choice. If she becomes very demented then you may have to become her guardian, but sounds you are not there at present, and if you ever are, do speak NOW with her about what she wants. Because, like ME, she doesn't want EMS reviving her if she is lucky enough to go. She and I are the same age. That is how I feel. My POLST is done with my doctor and hangs in my house. My family is aware. Were you to agree with the treatment she wants she may give you POA for health care.

What lealonnie1 said. Period. Just try and make sure you don't end up in the ER yourself. Take care and good luck!

If your mother was 'unable to breathe' when the EMS staff showed up to help her, she WOULD have taken help, trust me. Probably THE worst feeling in the world is being unable to breathe, suffocating, and a person would literally do ANYTHING to get a breath of air in such a situation.

Unfortunately, with the situation being what it is, I think you will have to wait for your mother to be taken to the hospital in an emergency situation, then sent to rehab to recover. Once in rehab, THEY have to determine whether she's able to return to an independent living situation or not. If not, THEN you can get her placed in either Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.

It sounds like she's living life on HER terms, however, and if that's her wish, then perhaps you should stop driving down to see her on a daily basis. Tell HER to call YOU if and when she needs help, and let it go at that. That may seem harsh, but I'm not sure you have any other choice, since I'm sure she would refuse in-home help. Many elders do not want to take meds, they don't want help, they don't want to prolong their lives, they just want to do what they want to do until they pass away. And there isn't much we can do to stop them. You can't save a person from herself, you know?

It's ridiculous that things work like this, but they do. The only way I was able to get my folks into an ALF was in this exact situation.

Wishing you the best of luck!!