My parents have been great to me and my two siblings our whole lives. The problem is they've been stuck raising my niece since her adolescence because my sister has been an irresponsible drug addict most of her life. My sister is sober now but the damage has been done.
Right now my niece is 21 years old and spoiled rotten by my mom. She's been verbally and occasionally physically abusing them since she started living with them full time at 13. The final straw came when she had her freeloading, drug addict, 23 year old boyfriend gradually move in who in turn had his freeloading drug addict buddy start to move in. They've been using, scoring and dealing drugs right out of her room. My dad would usually put a stop to these activities but now he's worn out and has capitulated to my mother's blind devotion to her granddaughter.
Now my mother AND father are vehemently defending the two brats as they drain their bank account for drug money under the pretense of concert tickets or some other type of entertainment. Right now they both get hysterical whenever we try to intervene on their behalf. They are 79 and 80 years old and we are very worried about the stress my niece and her boyfriend are putting on them.
I need to know how my brother and I can get some power of attorney over my parents when they will be stubbornly reluctant.
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Keyes here is how you approach it. Watch what you say. If you come across as someone judging your addict niece etc ... it may sound like you have something to gain. All reasons why documentation is key.
I learned it is what we say to others who can help to get the right results. Good luck
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Your parents may be making choices that you feel are wrong. In all honesty, if they are not demented, it doesn't fall under being any concern of yours. They will have a sorry mess to pay if they spend themselves into being destitute as the State will not step in if it appears they squandered their money by gifting ANY family members.
You could gently show them the medicaid look back facts of the 5 years, tell them that if they do not have plenty of money to support them to the tune of 5,000 to 10,000 a month until death, then they may be out on the street. Just tell them those facts GENTLY and end with "My brother and I love you both, and that's why we worry so about you; but it is your money, so I will leave it to you".
Remember this. It is much like teens. The harder you FIGHT against this the less they actually THINK about what they are doing, and the harder they fight you. You are making these "freeloader drug addicts" the winners more than you can ever know.
Your parents need help getting out of this situation, and quickly. Maybe they don't know what to do (particularly your dad). Could they be in over their heads, unable to find the way out? They probably want to be loving grandparents and they fear for their granddaughter. How likely is it anyway that your dad could stand up to the boyfriend and his friend?
If these were my parents, I would seek the advice of a criminal attorney BEFORE calling the police. (It doesn't sound like your parents are in imminent danger, but try to move soon.)
I would want to know the potential legal consequences for my parents before the police arrive on their doorstep. Your mom and dad could very well find themselves swept up along with the granddaughter, the boyfriend, and his friend. At that point, they may be so thoroughly frightened that they forget to remain silent and to tell the police they want their lawyer. If they had knowledge of the drug dealing, it could go badly for them. The wrong investigator may be more interested in clearing a case than getting to the truth. It happens.
Protect them first.
Getting legal control over your parents when they're already resisting is probably going to antagonize them, and perhaps make them more supportive of the offending family members.
Better option is to get the drug users removed, or at least forced into some kind of counseling, that presumably would focus on the reason they're using drugs in the first place.
And your sister needs to own up to her responsibility and get involved as well, attending drug counseling meetings, child abuse & anger management meetings, and learning how to support her family.
Don't try to intervene; get the police involved; they know how to handle interventions, and might even (hopefully) get your parents involved since they're being sucked into allowing their house to use used for illicit transactions.
And that raises another issue. I don't know current laws, but I would think that their house and ownership might eventually be in jeopardy if they're pacifists to it being used as a drug dealership. That might the issue on which you approach the police.
Why hasn't anyone already involved law enforcement? If they are dealing drugs and they are moving in on your parents it could be that your parents are scared. 3 young adults could intimidate a couple of senior citizens fairly easy.
I would be turning them in to the police with reports of drug dealing, financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior, threats and intimidation and anything else that could get them thrown in jail.
Your parents could lose their home if someone doesn't notify law enforcement that they are victims and their behavior indicates fear. I would be burning up 911 to protect my parents from this situation. As you know, druggies have no loyalty except to the dope, everything and everyone else is expendable.
get you a citation, at most, these days. Most judges will give probation over jail time. Years before California implement their lax drug laws, my husband’s cousin was arrested 5 times before she finally got sent to prison for selling drugs. Each time the judge kept suspending her sentence and telling her “next time you go to prison”. Took about 5 arrests before he finally sent her to prison.
the OPs parents won’t lose their home unless they stop paying the mortgage. The police will not seize it, by law they can’t. The parents aren’t dealing drugs so none of their assets are subject to asset forfeiture.