Mom has dementia and is in assisted living with Dad. She is asking to go home and is angry. How do we handle this?

Sounds like Mom probably needs MC and maybe some medication. I would ask Dad if he wants to go along but since "he can't handle her" he may do better in the AL wing of the same facility where he can visit Mom daily but still have his own space.

Sounds like mom might need a higher level of care than your dad and AL can provide.

My aunt was in AL and needed more care so private care givers were hired for the sundowners time of day, before she was transferred to memory care.

Also, perhaps her doctor can be asked about something to make her less anxious?

Is mom feeling overwhelmed with the care responsibility that she has for dad? My mom and stepdad were at home together, him taking care of her until he needed a hip revision (what started a four year stint of being their caregiver). With the surgery and rehab he was gone nearly three months. He was only allowed to go home because there was help for him, mom's care had become too much for him to handle alone.

At one point twisted sisters placed a deposit on an assisted living apartment for them, without telling, even stepdad who was competent. He would not have been able to care for mom, nor did he want to. It was too hard for him.

When facility living came to be, mom went to memory care, stepdad to assisted living. They needed to be separate because mom needed a high level of care. Yes, it was expensive, but what was best for them both.

Sounds like dad needs nursing home and mom memory care. It is not at all unusual for elderly married couples to have different care needs and to live apart. Mom needs more help for herself, she cannot care for someone else.

You ask the AL if there is a geriatric psychiatrist who sees patients at the facility.

She also needs to be checked for a UTI, which can cause sudden behavioral changes.