I have been living with Mom for 16 years. I've recently married and my husband's house would be a new beginning for me. If he moved in with us we would be spending $100,000 plus to fix the house. His house is better for all of us, but I don’t know how to explain to my mom without me sounding selfish.
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I see from your profile that you have recently married. How recent? How does he feel about this idea?
I think that you need to move in with your husband and get your marriage off to a good start and find an assisted living place for your mom.
The reason I ask is that she's already having to make one major adjustment, to welcome him as her son in law. Uprooting her at this point, unless she's open to the idea and also likes his house, might demand too much of her. Do you have to make the decision an either/or, just like that, or could there be a transitional phase?
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