Did any of you give your parent a book to read that you found helped you and your parent understand one another better?

Question

N

NYDaughterInLaw Asked October 2019

Did any of you give your parent a book to read that you found helped you and your parent understand one another better?

As a caregiver, I have read dozens of books to educate myself about caregiving. I found Roz Chasts' "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?" to be one of the best. But it occurred to me that, in any relationship, one person cannot carry the weight of the relationship; a relationship is a two-way street. For those of you whose parent can still read and comprehend even with mild dementia, is there a book that you gave them to read or from which you read them excerpts and it made a difference in your relationship?

Caregiver Support Family Caregiver Relationships

4 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

Recent Questions

Related Questions

score 1 · Answer 1

Yes, yes, yes, Roz Chast’s book *Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant” should be required reading for anybody dealing with old people! It is absolute genius. Unsentimental, funny, brutally honest, and scary. She is wonderful. If you read the reviews on Amazon, you will see that some people found it tasteless, but these people are just too prissy and righteous for words. I was sooooo happy for Roz by the end of the book, when she was finally, at lonnnnng last, free of the nightmare she (an only child) found herself trapped in. The cartoons about cleaning out her parents’ apartment were hilarious. AlvaDeer, can you say “bank books”? Thanks for alerting people to this, NYDIL!

Helpful Answer (1)

score 1 · Answer 2

It's for my FIL. It may be a hopeless cause. He doesn't appreciate being told he must downsize to a cheaper apartment and yet that's reality. His empathy left the building a long time ago; I'm not sure how much he had to begin with. I can't do the one-sided stuff anymore. It's wearing me out. I have already told everyone I'm not participating with them in the holidays this year. I will go about the holidays in my own fashion.

Perhaps a children's book would be more appropriate to where FIL is mentally?

Helpful Answer (1)

score 1 · Answer 3

I love this book. And I will never see "Doing the Stork" as anything other than "doing the stork". (If you want to know, get the book. And everytime I do the stork I know what I risk).
This is such a great book, and done in the drawn comic book way so easy to read. And it doesn't require all this mushy love. It is honest about how frustrating it is for everyone involved. I did share this book, yes, with my failing bro. It remains in his library in his home, though he himself is now in assisted living.
What a great recommend. I hope everyone reads it because it relieves us so much from preconceived idea of what the "ideal child" is in these situations, and--indeed--the non-existent ideal parent.
Thanks for this! Bet it is cheap used on Amazon now, for those folks who will use Amazon.

Helpful Answer (1)

I cannot find a book called "Doing the Stork". Do you know the author?

(0)

score 1 · Answer 4

I think the comprehension is one of the first things to go. She may understand while she is reading but forget it all the next day.

Not sure once they are 70/80 yrs old they will be able to change or appreciate you telling them they are wrong. Its hard to change someone when they have been doing the same thing for 50+years.

What is it that you are trying to instill in Mom. To appreciate what you do for her ... I think empathy is also one of the first things to go. They become selfcentered like toddlers. Caregiving of a person suffering from Dementia is pretty onesided.

Helpful Answer (1)

I think you would have to read the book to know, JoAnn. It is full of humor about what happens. Just what happens. So it is trying to instill a bit of humor about goofy things. Such as my bro and I when we discuss how difficult it is for him (who lived the life of a Monk basically) to live with a mess of other elders, not always of sound and perfect mind. We tease that it is like a 60s commune, with its squabbles, but we dress better. It is trying to see a little humor in the tunnel. I swear if my brother and I could not LAUGH about being unable to spell "skate" or "house" we would have to weep. I agree that perhaps the book is more for US while we give care, but I also think at certain stages that an elder is able to see some humor in the things we go through, though perhaps an "ironic" type humor. Take, for instance, my favorite "escape from it all". True crime podcasts. I mean, that's either horrific or a bit funny. My bro thinks so, as well. I know there will come a time when none of this is funny. Just NONE of it. But as long as I can pull one thread of humor out of it for either of us, I will try to do it.

(1)

Did any of you give your parent a book to read that you found helped you and your parent understand one another better?

4 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question