My mother (84 yrs. old) fell 11 months ago, breaking her arm and then suffering a stroke while in the Hospital. She was moved home in late February, and has been home since. She is still in the recovery stage, and has required 24 hr. caregiver assistance since (she does sleep through the night, from 10pm-7am). My Father suffered a stroke in March, and fully takes care of himself, with the exception of having meals prepared. We have had to have 24 hr. Agency Care, and it is very expensive and draining the Estate Funds, and as such we wanted to go Private.
The youngest brother, had Powers Of Attorney (Health and Financial) for both parents, until one month ago, when after 5 months of promises to seek Private Care (while telling lies that he was) and share Financials (and not doing so), our Mother (of sound mind) asked the oldest two brothers to help. The Eldest (myself) now has POA/Health, the other POA/Financial.
We are in the State of Washington, and to solve this draining of funds, my Mother asked me to move back into the family house, and I have been attending HCA training (waiting for State Certification Exam) in order to best provide the best care for our parents. This is a 2 person job and a close family friend has volunteered to help for 3 months (and has moved in) to help with their care and help us move forward. She is doing it out of the kindness of her heart, and is not being paid, and has worked previously as a private caregiver for 3 years in CA.
Both parents are receiving great care, and do not want the constant rotation of Agency Caregivers in the house. They want things to continue as we are doing… and do NOT want the State involved.
Unfortunately, the youngest, for reasons unknown has Filed a Petition in Court for (1) him to be the sole decision maker for their 24 hr. care (claiming he has all the POAs), and any “untrained caregiver” (as he alludes to) is to be removed immediately. (2) He is requesting a guardian ad litem, to decide whether he should remain as agent and trustee (paid for by the Estate).
My parents are receiving the best care they have had in 5 months. They have told the youngest many times over “We want to stay in our house. We are happy here. Everything is good”. My Mother just had her Dr’s appointment and the Dr. said she is “super happy with her care”, and stated she is convinced my mother is of sound mind. My father shows early signs of Dementia… but the youngest son preys upon his emotions. My father has told him 6-7 times (via text), to NOT involve the state, and asked “Why are you doing this? to no avail.
The youngest is 1500 miles away, has no day-to day interaction, is going against both parents wishes… but keeps telling (only) my Father “he is doing it for reasons he can’t explain now”. He will not speak to my Mother… yet continues to pursue this.
We have a Court Date on Friday (the 25th) and have legal representation (usual back and forth). I have spoken to the State (DSHS), and they have told me there are no requirements for caregiver qualifications if it is a Private situation for caregiver services. The only reason for the State to get involved is because of what the youngest has done.
Many questions, but the basics are:
1) What is the best course of action to ensure my Parents wishes are followed? Is he in violation of his POAs as Agent?
2) Is the person (who has volunteered) in violation of the law by being here? Is it illegal to have a non-family member providing caregiver services and not be paying them (leaving in December)?
3) Can the State of Washington force them out of their house? Both have stated numerous times their wishes to be IN THE HOUSE, with supervised care by the Eldest son (60 yrs. old) w/HCA training (who will be paid), and supporting care with unpaid family friend?. Furthermore, they have told the youngest brother (who initiated the Petition), over and over via FaceTime, phone and texts, to “stop this ridiculous Petition now!”
Thank you.
2 Answers
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It sounds to me as if your brother is deeply suspicious of you, and that the feeling is mutual.
The thing is. If I were your brother, knowing that you were living in your parents' home, I'm not sure I would be content to rely on what my parents said about the situation given the potential for you to exert influence on them. Note: I am not saying that you are doing that. I'm just pointing out that it's an obvious possibility which any responsible authority would be wrong not to rule out, at least.
Have you considered mediation? You and your brother need to resolve your mutual distrust and other differences, because otherwise your parents' estate could disappear in legal fees.
It interests me that you are, unabashedly, doing this to save money and avoid future Medicaid applications (is it really state interference that your parents dread? Or would there be awkward questions to answer, perhaps?). Your brother thinks your parents' money should go on professional care. You think the quality of care you can offer will be better than that available through agencies. In all of this, you know, your and your brother's aims are not so very far apart.
What does the third sibling think?
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