My daughter wants to be my informal caregiver at home and son says no, that she can't take care of herself much less me. Any advice?

This question has a backstory. I can tell. More information is needed here.

What exactly are your health issues? What are her medical issues? Do your children get along? Is your son compassionate towards his sister? Does he look at her as a failure or does he feel that the job is too much for her? How do you get along with your daughter? All of these things are important to consider.

No offense to you but I sincerely wanted to help my mom too. I took care of her at her home and also at my home. She moved in and lived with me for 14 plus years. It puts a strain on a relationship. I am no longer her caregiver. It didn’t work out for either of us.

It seems natural at first to care for a parent. Some are able to successfully care for parents. Some are not. It can become a difficult challenge at times.

Look at everything very carefully and if you do agree to your daughter being your caregiver and if it becomes too much please understand that. Or if you are unhappy with her, please be honest but considerate of her feelings.

It may be best not to have a family member not be a caregiver and you can enjoy a mother/daughter relationship.

Personally I would look at hiring outside help with the money from the LTC policy. And not because of what your son says either. Your daughter has a lot of health issues you say. Well caregiving is very hard work and will take a real toll on her. Also your relationship with her may suffer as well. I understand that you would probably feel more comfortable being taken care of by your daughter so maybe you can compromise and have her do certain tasks but leave a majority of the caregiving to the hired caregiver.

Who says no? YOUR son, or your grandson? Not to be personal, but are you diagnosed with some form of dementia, or do you just need help around the house with ADL? If you are "of sound mind" then you have the say on your care, not the "son". Keep on filling out the paperwork, and consider some extra pay/help for your daughter.. If she may also need some help down the line this would be a good thing to consider. Is "son" willing to step up and help you? Or is just worried about money or his sisters/ Moms health?