Recently Mom refuses care. Any suggestions?

Dear Lealonnie 1,

Thank you for your answer. Yes my fear is the same as yours. I sympathize with you. I hope your mom has still a long time before hospitalization! I think mine has, but as we say in french « her health is like a bird on a branch » one moment there one moment gone!

I’ll suggest your idea to crush the pills in some dessert, thanks! I’ll have to discuss more with the staff and the direction about their plans for her reluctant behaviour. They refuse to prescribe antipsychotic but if mom lives in fear, is it really beneficial? There always a downside to every pill, it’s often difficult to balance the benefices against the secondary effects.

Much to think and watch!

Big hug to you too. Thank you again!

My mother is 92 and living in Memory Care herself, experiencing more issues lately than they may be willing to tolerate. I think this is your fear as well......what will happen if your mother becomes too much for them to handle? It is not a crazy fear that your mom may require hospitalization if she worsens, but if so, then she'll be cared for properly, right? In the hospital, she can be seen by neurologists, psychiatrists, etc, until a course of action is determined for her treatment. If she refuses pills, they can be ground up and put into applesauce for easier consumption. If paranoia becomes overwhelming, medication can be prescribed for that as well. If your frequent visits upset or interrupt her, cut down on them. We often try to micro manage their lives, forgetting the MC nurse WILL call us if there is a problem. Sometimes they need to be left alone for a bit to sort things out and develop their own routine, you know? I swear my mother does better the LESS I poke my nose in her business!! Sometimes I just call the desk to see how she's doing rather than come in.

Memory Care is not a panacea.....they can only do so much for the residents. If the resident becomes too much to handle, which is where I fear my mother is heading, then I'll have to get her into Skilled Nursing and apply for Medicaid. That would be her final destination, because in a SNF, they can handle A LOT more issues than they are willing to in most Memory Care Assisted Living communities.

Wishing you the very best of luck with this difficult situation, my friend, and sending a big hug your way

Thank you Pasa 18.

In fact I fear that if the staff can’t find solutions, Mom will end up hospitalized! Is that a crazy fear?

The UTI is watched and not a concern at the moment. But Mom has another problem due to radiotherapy more than 30 years ago that affected her big intestines. The pills she takes are for keeping things fluid... sometimes a bit too much which provokes her belief about being poisoned!

yes it is a bit of a roller coaster ride! The worse is to be powerless when she’s despairing when things are too fluid or when she fears other residents...

Thanks for your support. My fear is for her future if she continues to refuse every care and the personal don’t find solutions

Talk with the treating physician about the above symptoms you are noticing. I hope you get clear guidance on what may be needed or experiencing. Elderly are proned to UTIs which may cause behavioral changes, and dietary changes may mean nutrients are not getting absorbed as well. Hallucinations and paranoia are part of cognitive decline. It can be overwhelming to experience these changes and decline. Hang in there.