How do I handle a brother who bullies me about not having money saved for my mother's burial?

Essie,

I answered earlier but I just wanted to send you extra hugs!

Isn't it always just a fun little kick in the pants how the people not providing the care always have negativity and accusations a plenty.  Ugh!
I would tell him to knock himself out and hire a lawyer.  Back it up with, "the money you spend on that could more than pay for mom's final expenses, but go ahead and make yourself happy....sorry, in the end you will not feel justified".  If there is nothing to hide, no reason not to open the books to him.  Not that it is his business, but it would at least get him off your back.
I honestly feel for you and really take issue from siblings that are not assisting in care, but have truck loads of opinions.   It is not fair and it is not right.  I am sorry you are going through this.  Open the books, make it transparent and then hopefully he will feel a little shameful for his behavior.

EssieMarie,
You have been caring for her for a very long time. Check out your senior services center for the both of you. They have a lot of information about programs available to help the both of you. It sounds like the two of you are trying to survive on social security alone. They may be able to get some help in your home to assist you with taking care of mom. The two of you may also be eligible for Medicaid, or health care assistance for supplemental insurance and prescriptions, some snap benefits, utility costs. Help around the house doing repairs or heavy chores? It may not be very much but as you know every penny counts. If you are eligible for benefits don't tell brother because he will demand anything left be saved for funeral so he doesn't need to do it. It's too bad that he is the way he is but it seems to be the nature of the beast 1 sibling does all the work while others do nothing and will not even offer any support either monetarily, emotionally, or physically. Those that do help are a blessing, far and few between that they are. Ignore your brother. He's full of himself and hot air. Take care of yourself and your mother. Hugs and prayers to you.

Essie, JoAnn’s idea about a spreadsheet is good. Let him figure out the money.

I suggest a spread sheet. Showing what ur monthly income is and then your expenses. Then ask him how he thinks Mom is going to save for her funeral. Then tell him if he is so worried about Mom save his money for her. When he says no way, then tell him to shut up about u saving the money. If he continues to bully you, get a restraining order.

There are cremation plans you can prepay for fairly inexpensive way. I believe you can make payments on this as it is a life insurance policy that pays the crematorium. This service as we understand it includes cremation of remains, transport of remains to crematorium, upto 6 or 7 copies of death certificate with more if needed at an additional cost. Sealed box of remains for you to do what you will with them. Another option is if there are no funds for burial, states may help solve your problem. Also speak with your local county coroner when the time comes. Is mom a widow of a wartime vet honorably discharged? If so they may be able to provide assistance. She would also be eligible for benefits thru the va at this time too.

Lawyers don't review bank statements. Your brother the bully isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, now is he? Instead of issuing empty threats, how about the jackass chip in what he plans to spend on a lawyer towards his mother's living expenses?

In reality, you can't fix how your brother treats your mom. You can, however, choose to stop taking calls from him. You are not a doormat for him to wipe his feet on and you should tell him so.

I like the idea of you getting a part time job doing something you like to do. It gets you out of the house, brings in extra income, and helps with depression, I believe, especially if you're doing something which involves helping people.

As far as your moms final arrangements are concerned, just put a little money aside from each of your checks every month and you'll have enough saved up in no time.

Best of luck

Give him a hard time about him not saving enough money for your mom's burial. He needs to wake up and join the real world: Nearly 25% of Americans are going into debt trying to pay for necessities like food. I am sorry that you (and others as well) have to go through this crap with their relatives. Prayers being said for you as well, I suffer from anxiety and depression, too.

So freakin sick of bullying brothers. I have two of them. I have cut them both out of my life!

I am sorry you have to deal with his crap. God bless you too.

OK, you are NOT responsible for your moms financial problems, and I am so sorry you brother feels you are. Your mother was responsible.. and you are doing the best you can. As she probably was. If there is no money for a big fancy funeral, or even a small one, there are other options. I know a lot of people are against cremation, but is a viable option when there is little money. The cost can run from less than a thousand to about 3000. ( We did for my father, his wishes) and I helped my Aunt set up hers, and mom now wants the same as it was easy and cost effective. Everyone seems to thing everyone has lots of extra money ( like your brother), but the reality is many people do not, and survive day to day on hopes and prayers. I work in an urban inner city area, and I can tell you, you are not alone. Good luck, and if he wants to hire a lawyer.. just do the best you can.. even they can't get blood from a stone.

Well it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about, let him waste his money on an attorney, what difference does it make to you?

Since your brother is no help to you or your mother why bother with him? I would go no contact and forget about it.

Hi Essie, I'm sorry you have a brother like that. There may not be anything you can do to change his attitude so if that's the case, just try to accept it for what it is and forget about him. You can't make him contribute to Mom's care if he is not willing. Just try to do the best you can, seek out social services in your area to see if they ca provide any help.

You have said your apartment is too expensive. You have said you may need to get a part-time job. Perhaps there are areas where your mother and/or you could have saved. Maybe he does need to help. But I would ask to see statements if I were being asked to help. I would want to see what has been going on. And it should be pointed out that Social Security was never intended to be a person’s only retirement income. People were/are supposed to save from earnings for their retirements and old age expenses