Grandma was diagnosed with dementia a few months ago, but I believe she's had it for several years. We didn't get much info from the neurologist, just a diagnosis. The dr. wanted Grandma to get a CT scan, but she can't do it, she panics and can't hold still.
So the only "work" Grandma has to do everyday is change her pants and pullup diapers in the morning, go to the bathroom every 2 hrs, then change her pullup diapers in the afternoon and bedtime. That's it. It's been recommended by her physical therapist and doctor to have her do as much as she can by herself. They say it's good for maintaining strength and for her mental health (because exercise is good for the brain).
Grandma is very capable of doing all these things by herself but she keeps shouting "help me, help me." She doesn't want help, she wants someone to do everything for her. If someone is with her in the bathroom, she claims she needs help then makes a pitiful display at attempting to put her pants on. She'll get upset if I tell her she is capable of doing it herself.
If no one is around, she has very little trouble if any at all. I know this because she never fully shuts the door and so I peep in through the opening sometimes. But she will continue to shout for help and proceeds to moan, groan, wail, whatever those goat sounds are, etc.
Recently, she's gotten bad about shouting for help. I know that shouting "help" is sometimes common with Alzheimer's & dementia, but I don't know what's going on here or what to do about it. Again, the doctors are useless because this is stuff they didn't learn about in their text books.
Do I let her continue to shout for help or am I supposed to do everything for her? If I just do everything for her, she will become so weak that I won't be able to care for her. She'll have to go to a nursing home and she's already said she doesn't want to go. I don't think she realizes what those places are like, especially the ones in her price range. She's also stated that we (me and the family) treat her like sh*t because we don't help her. I thought I'm doing her a favor by not helping her. I'm so confused.
Please give me advice. If I'm doing something wrong, please tell me. Thank you.
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Allowing them to do as much as they can is good but I wouldn't force the issue. Its just a frustration they don't need. Eventually, she is going to need someone to do full toileting. My Mom declined each month.
What is a CT scan going to prove. All Moms Drs. were aware she had it without me saying anything. The neurologist just confirmed what everyone knew. He gave Mom an EEG in the office but never recommended an MRI or CT scan. I put my Mom thru nothing she didn't want to do.
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I can also tell you I acquired a strong resentment towards mine for making me play puppet and scoffing at me in pain. This will only get worse, just as others are saying.
Ironically, I hired caregivers to help and viola...he has made a miraculous recovery with me not around doting over his every need and whim. Your mom isn’t going to get better (mine had a knee surgery) at 91.
Point is... she needs to do as much as she can for herself or you will assist in disabling her mobility and also possibly acquire a distaste for helping in the process.
You can see what she is capable of, so I would not listen to her goat noises when she is doing things that you know she can.
I would give her some housework to do, folding laundry, wiping counters, anything that she can safely do.
I also believe that you can tell her to stop when she is screaming for help. You don't want that to become a habit. She will make you insane with it if it does. So firmly telling her to stop screaming is appropriate and then walk away, you have to treat them like a spoiled child at times and that is difficult for you, but setting boundaries and enforcing them will help you handle her care better.
Oh yea, get use to being the bad guy that does everything wrong, it is part of the disease.
Can they sedate grandma to do the CT? Did they explain if it would be beneficial or is it just a test to say yep, she has dementia. My dad had one and I didn't get any more clarity than before the test. Doctors like to order tests that don't really tell you anything and don't have any benefits for the outcome or treatment, be sure and ask what the point is when the doctor is ordering tests.
Good luck, this is a tough disease.
It’s a shame about the scan. That would tell you more.
I’m afraid I wasn’t much help but I do empathize with you. Others may be able to offer more help.
Best wishes to you and your family. This is a frustrating ordeal.