What a way to go.....

Hey fellow caretakers,

I wanted to share the ending to my caretaking journey with my grandmother. I haven't posted much on here but boy have I read a lot! I have learned so much from all of you and thanks for all the helpful advice that is provided here. This forum help me when I suffered caretaker burnout (which by the way is very serious). Please pay attention to your stress levels and do what you can to get much needed breaks. I refused help from others because I felt it would interrupt how I wanted things done because after all I had the responsibility of her care 24/7. I was wrong for doing that. If you are in a similar position please reconsider pushing people away. It might be somewhat of a nuisance to "entertain" people when they come to your home to visit the loved you but it is best to relieve yourself. I don't know how I did it for almost 2 years but I did and now it is over.....

Grams had vascular dementia and was incontinent and slightly able to stand with assistance, She came in and out of lucidness many times and at times she had a lovely sense of humor and at others she was not so pleasant. She had episodes of extreme paranoia that were almost mentally unbearable. The kind where you want to throw the towel in and run.

Fast forward to October 27 2019 5pm we were headed to her birthday party with all the family waiting. Gram was alert and very talkative. She seemed to be having a good time at the party. We went home and gram settled in for some price is right. Everything normal. We did her nightime ritual and she even ate a snack and off to bed we all went. My husband doing his nightly check on gram he felt something was not right. He turned on the light and realized gram wasn't breathing. He woke me up panicking and I ran to see what was going on. Gram was gone. A little after midnight, and that was it. She literally made it through to her 100 birthday.

It has only been a couple of days but I have crazy emotions guilt that I could've done better, sadness that she is no longer alive and relief that the journey has come to an end. I love her and miss her and she is finally my grandma again.