There are some unknowns here and the future is a bit uncertain but I'd like any input. Background is Mom has lived with significant other (SO) and cared for him for over 20 years. They did not get married and live in Florida which doesn't recognize common law marriage. Mom has very small SS because she retired early (with his encouragement). They live in his home in FL. SO is now very ill with encephalopathy and likely dementia and is no longer mobile. The encephalopathy is a result of intense antibiotic treatment to try to cure infections he kept getting as a result of multiple surgeries over the years after bladder cancer 25 years ago. Mom has basically waited on him hand and foot and took care of his needs since then. Mom does not have POA, I believe his Son does and from what I understand his estate, probably in the mid to high 6 figures, is willed to his kids. But I do not know for sure. Anyway, we thought SO was terminal because he couldn't eat a few days ago but he appears to have recovered enough to eat a little and the plan is to send him to rehab. Mom is 80, he is 75. He is a retired teacher, does not have Medicare but pretty good insurance although I don't know how what it is going to cover as far as rehab. I don't foresee him coming back home but who knows. I've asked her gently if she knows about what the insurance covers as far as rehab and beyond and she doesn't have any idea. She's not really concerned. Should she be? I think her plan is to stay in the house while he's in rehab but I worry about the financial end of it for her.
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It also sounds like this of interest to you because she could find herself looking for a place to live. Without just asking her what she's going to get when he passes, perhaps ask her if she plans to stay in Florida if/when something happens. Then you could dig a little deeper as to if 'they' have life insurance for each other or savings accts to see if she has a plan for income she might need. Maybe they have talked all this out and that's why she's not concerned.
If he hasn’t made any provisions for your mother now is the time for her to ask her SO if she is in his will or not. Too many unknowns and she needs clarity. If mom is too soft spoken or for some other reason isn’t willing to ask SO then as her daughter I would be in the picture & everyone would know I am there to assure my mother will be taken care of.
Good luck! I hope SO left the house to your mother at least.
I’d push for marriage as well. If legally she becomes his wife it gives mom some leverage over the SO’s kids.
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Again, if you started writing questions for an EL attorney in Florida, you would have your answers. While she is staying in the house, you can work with her to get answers to questions and start planning. Best!!!
https://www.ssa.gov/planners/retire/yourdivspouse.html
https://www.ssa.gov/planners/retire/divspouse.html
My dad’s SO’s children kicked him out of their home when he couldn’t buy them out. That was after he cared for her through her long final illness (and made himself sick in the process).
What is her plan for the future?
If she is not concerned, and if she has no cognitive issues, I'm not sure why you need to be concerned. As long as she understands that you are not a retirement option.
His mom may not be concerned because she isn't thinking about what her future will hold when her partner is gone. Unfortunately, that isn't uncommon.
If my mom were in that situation, I would be afraid for her (and maybe irritated at her), but I would still step in to help.
Some assets he may not have been able to leave to her even if he wanted to. My MIL was a public employee too, also unmarried and in a 20+ year relationship and when she retired she had 2 options-1 option was where she would receive more money every month and when she died, her personal contributions to her retirement (if any were left) would be forfeited, or she could receive less money every month and upon her death, whatever was left of her contributions would go to her husband or children. She chose the 2nd option and since she died less than 2 years after she retired, her kids got most of her personal contribution. She did not want to leave it to her significant other and even if she wanted to, the public employees retirement system wouldn’t allow it. And when she was told to get her affairs in order, she did not leave any money to her SO. Everything went to the kids. All he got was a car and a life estate, and the use the furniture and household items. They bought the house together 18 years earlier but her name was on the deed. The only thing she would agree too getting her affairs in order was a life estate for her SO with the house going to her 3 children and his 2 children upon his death or should he move out. They both paid for the house but he has no financial interest in it and cannot sell it or anything even though he did buy it with her.
The only reason I can think of, to consult an attorney over, is the house. She may have a financial interest in the house even if she isn’t on the deed and he bought it before they were together. I think she would have to show that she helped pay the mortgage. Some states also have protections for family caregivers, not the Medicaid exemption that allows a caregiver to stay in the home, this is a state law in some states and she might have rights to the house if she has been a primary caregiver for years. I would try to do as much research as possible on both of these things before you go out and get an attorney because an attorney will cost you hundreds if not thousands of dollars! But other than that, I don’t know that she has a reason to go get an attorney. She’s been his spouse so I don’t know that she would be prevail if she went after his kids for compensation after he dies.
https://www.hhs.gov/answers/medicare-and-medicaid/who-is-elibible-for-medicare/index.html
Also, If I were in her shoes I would consult an elder law attorney so she can have solid info before meeting with his family and explaining future impact on her when he passes. She should also ask attorney what impact would be if they got married. It may be the easiest solution. My FIL created a trust fund for his biological kids after he married his second wife, who also had 3 child. Not sure about the legal/financial mechanics of it but it will keep things predictable and civil once wife #2 passes. People are nice until money becomes an issue, so don't make assumptions based on how the relationships are today. Blessings!
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I agree about seeing an attorney, but my bet is if I tell Mom to do that she won't, she'll say what's the point. I don't think she has the law on her side in that state, I only hope the kids look after her somehow.
Maybe, they had a verbal agreement about things, although, if it's about the house, it would need to be in writing. An attorney might be able to determine what, if any remedies she might have to protect her financial interest.
Any chance his kids would see this from your mother's perspective?
It is unfortunate that he possibly did not provide for your mother in his Will.
Where will she live as it is his house? Is she on good terms with his kids? Will they give her time to find a new home? Can she get on the wait lists for low income housing now?