Should I take my complaints further regarding a specific aide at my mother's AL?

Thanks all for the advice. I am leaning towards bringing it up in a mild manner when I pay the bill next month. My mother does not want me to pursue it. It doesn't help that she can't or won't tell me the name of the aide although I am sure I could figure it out easily.

I realize this is not a wonderful job but for the most part I haven't run into conflict. I wish those who have this job realize that they are the last people to leave impressions on those who are in their care. I am so torn because I feel they should be caring unless they are dealing with someone causing torment and despite all my mothers issues she is fairly laid back.

Where I live ALs have a residents council, is there anything like that where you are? You can (and should) mention that there is a "personality conflict" with this employee, but in a smaller facility interacting with her may be unavoidable. If complaints are coming from many sources rather than just one they will be taken more seriously.

Your mother was quarantined, per instructions, and the aide was simply following orders to tell her she couldn't come out of her room. If you have another issue with this aide besides this one in question, then perhaps you should speak with the ED about it. But I don't feel the aide was in the wrong by sticking to the quarantine rule that was issued.

You do not come across as a person who complains about every little thing. You had a valid concern and you addressed it and I am glad that your mom was allowed to participate in the activities going on at her AL facility.

By all means mention this on a survey if you wish to. Are these anonymous surveys? Just curious, because people who sign their names to something are taken far more seriously than an anonymous survey.

Still, some people want their voices to be heard but don’t wish to be identified.

I would also speak to them in person if you don’t feel like this was an isolated incident. Thank them for allowing your mom to go to her activity that she enjoys. Tell them how she was grateful and enjoyed it. Then in a polite and respectful way mention your concerns. Hopefully your concerns will be appreciated and your mom will no longer have any issues.

I can see if she was showing signs of being sick being told that she couldn’t attend. She was on meds and most likely no longer contagious.

When I taught school the policy was two days without fever before returning to school. It’s interesting though. I remember my children’s pediatrician telling me that she wished the thermometer had only ‘yes or no’ instead of measurements of degrees because a person with a low grade fever can actually be sicker than a high fever.

We had parents that would drug their kids in the morning and send their kid to school. Of course, by the afternoon the drugs would wear off and I would call the parents to pick up their sick child. Wasn’t fair to their child or the other children in the class that picked up their germs.

Ask the administrator to have the aid transferred, no longer caring for your mother.
I wouldn't want to "test" her attitude out on your Mom again.

I see it that the aide was following orders, but did not arise to the better standard of asking the resident to be cleared as healthy to be able to lift the isolation order timely.

I agree with rovana...
Your mother was given antibiotics and was told she should confine to her room.
With many medications you may feel fine, sound fine and look fine but still may be contagious.
If anyone is to over ride the quarantine it would be the director and that is what happened.
If this is isolated let it go.
If there are more concrete things that could be brought to the attention of the director do so but ...keep in mind that this person will still be caring for your mom. Do you want someone that you have made minor complaints about caring for your mom? Would it be better to talk to this person and see if there is a problem? I don't mean talk to her about problems but talk to her and be nice maybe she is misunderstanding "vibes" on your part and you on hers. Or maybe there is a personality conflict between her and your mom, you don't know what happens when you are not there. I don't know if this all come out right and I hope you understand what I am getting at...

Interesting question to be certain.
Let's start with that the aid was following the rules. You went above and got a release through the manager and that is great.
So we are down now to something more vague which is attitude. Kind of we all recognize it but it is difficult to "call someone on it".
We I you I would handle it this way. I would write the woman who came and got your Mom the release. I would start by not mentioning the woman's name and I would say that overall, after three years here, your Mom is so grateful for the loving care of the people who give care, that you understand caring for the elderly is not always an easy task and you are impressed overall with the care that your Mom gets. Tell her that there is "however, one person who, while I cannot pinpoint anything in actual WORDS, seems to have an attitude that isn't always kind". I would then proceed to tell her that you are very open to discussing this further should she wish to, or are willing just to leave this information with her, recognizing that if others are experiencing this attitude she will have other complaints, and can perhaps address the issue with the employee.
This recognizes what you tell us. That your Mom is relatively happy where she is. There are few places that are good enough to afford this care to elders, and my brother's place is one, and I am VERY grateful. But it also says that you see that this employee isn't up to their usual requirements in excellence. May be having a bad day or whatever. You haven't mentioned names.
Mentioning names to tell the truth, while is often MUST be done, scares me. Our elders are so dependent on the good will of those caring for them.
Good luck and glad Mom got to go to the crafts exhibit!

If this is a isolated incident, then I'd let it go.  Consider for a moment, the aide does not actually have much authority and your mother was "in quarantine". So was the aide being unreasonable here or was she following rules and it would have to go to a higher authority to declare "quarantine ended"?  The "quarantine" is a very serious matter after all.

One of the most basic rights a patient has is when to get up and when to go to bed. My mother was a late riser and a night owl and this lifelong pattern was respected in AL and in her NH.

If ANYONE is showing annoyance at this, the director and DON need to be informed and the situation corrected. Period.

First, the decision for Mom to go or not was not the aides. "If" anyones, it would have been the RNs. And even then, if Mom had been adamant, they could not have kept her from going. She is not a patient, she is a resident paying big time to be in this AL. If she wants to sleep late, she sleeps late.

I wonder if this aide previously worked for LTC. There is more structure in these facilities. Everyone gets up and ready the same time. Things are done in a particular order.

ALs have their routine but can be and should be flexible. So what if Mom gets up late, go help your other residents and come back. If she misses breakfast, just get her something in her room. Mom's had a kitchenette where she could have cereal, snacks ect. How long does it take to microwave something.

I don't see where it would hurt to speak to the RN who oversees the aides. You may find that ur not the only one who has said something. The RN may have noticed. If not, u can bet the other aides have seen it. This can be done in a nice way.

Aides move around. If this is this aide's first job then it might be good that the RN approaches her about her attitude. Aides are taught the correct way to care for a patient/residence. Its an 8/10 week course. Once on the job, they learn as they go. Some are good with people, others not so. Some do better in a hospital setting but not so much one on one like an AL.

If ur Mom doesn't particularly care for this aide, ask if another can care for Mom. Don't demand ask. You want staff on ur side. The AL wants to keep Mom happy.

When it came to take "goodies" in, they were taken to the staff breakroom. That way everyone enjoyed. I never would have thought to take residents anything. They usually have family and special diets. But I see nothing wrong if Mom has a "favorite" giving her a little something privately.

From ur writing, I think you will handle this the best way.
Please come back and tell us how it works out.

Back to this issue. It seems to be ongoing with this particular aide. I am pretty sure I know the one and she does exude an almost surliness. My mother sleeps later in the morning and this seems to irke said aide. I bought and brought up the box of cookies which she is agreeable to but wants to give them out when an evening aide she really likes is there.

I am leaning to bringing it up with the director as opposed to kindly but matter of factly approaching the aide. My mother is paying a significant amount to be at this facility. She is not a difficult person as stories go. Does anyone have an opinion on how to handle this matter or any further opinions.

I think you can approach it with the admin from the angle, "Thank you so much for your intervention in this small issue that meant so much to my mom. How can we prevent something similar from happening in the future?" Complaining about vague issues like "having an attitude" makes it seem like its just a petty, unfounded personality clash. Better to present very specific dates and times and actions. Keep a list then maybe have a review with the admin and this aid. The aid may have just been following facility protocol and here comes the "bossy" relative insisting on contradictory instructions that may put the aid's job in jeopardy. Surely you can understand it from her side.

Both Mayday and Cwillie are correct, you need to be diplomatic and appreciative of the staff who is wiping the unmentionables of our loved ones day in and day out. Developing a friendly, grateful relationship with them is the best proactive strategy. Otherwise you will be seen as The Griper who cannot be pleased and is judging their every action. They will avoid you and your mom. Ply them with treats year round and gifts at the holidays, become more the the NH "family".

ALs are big corporations with many employees and like any workplace there are going to be overachievers, underachievers and everything in between, people whose personalities click and those who set your teeth on edge just by their presence. IMO it's unreasonable to expect everyone to be a Mary Poppins, as long as she is getting the job done and not actively nasty I would not push this issue (assuming she is not the only person assigned to care for your mother).
As for the craft sale - you can't fault the aide for inflexibly following procedure, respiratory illness spreads like wildfire and kills many vulnerable seniors in such facilities every year.

When you see this aide, address her personally and look her straight in the eyes. Be polite, and purposefully, say Good Morning, Afternoon, etc. Make her know who you are, and smile.. SMILE FOR YOUR MOM..

Bring some grocery store treats from the bakery for the staff and of course the residents who stay there... Not all the time, but every once in awhile.

But do let this staff person know, that your MOM IS SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL, AND SHE DESERVES THE BEST. !!! And place your concerns with her that your mom OH SO ENJOYS THE ACTIVITIES ESPECIALLY AROUND THE HOLIDAYS...! Then bring in ginger bread cookies with the heads eaten off... :{ sorry wrong story... you get it... Make your presence known...
Kill em with kindness and some treats.