My mother’s behavior is getting difficult to manage. She refuses to take any medicine. She has not seen her doctor for over a year. She is very frail and does not comply with requests. She is surviving mostly on Ensure or banana a day. Her sleep patterns are very inconsistent. Sometimes sleeping for 36 hours and then awake for 12 -15 hours. She is becoming difficult to manage. She fell twice but then did not allow people to check out the wounds on her elbows. I am completely at a loss. She lives with my dad and has help for 10-15 hours. How can I get medical help to stabilize her mood? How to protect the care takers when she injures herself from a fall and refuses help? Lately, she is not going to the bathroom and after much struggle has started using pull ups. But she refuses to change it when wet or soiled. She will hit or scratch you. My dad wants to keep her at home. My dad is not in his best health either. He is recovering from cancer. I don’t live with them or in the same state. Any suggestions?
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Who has durable PoA for her? Hopefully someone other than your dad. If no one has PoA, this means another course of action (guardianship). Does she have a Medical Directive? Do you know if your parents have financial means? This may determine where they get their care going forward. It is possible to place them in the same care community, where your dad is in an area that is appropriate for him and your mom is in an area where she will get what she needs. They will have full access to each other. Also, please try to have her tested for a UTI as it can worsen existing dementia symptoms. And if possible have both your parents sign a HIPAA waiver from their doctors' offices so that they can freely and legally exchange their medical information and status with you. Wishing you a smooth and speedy solution to help your parents!
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Of course he wants to keep her home. BUT does he listen to reason that she may need to go somewhere to get stabilized?
The next times she falls or attempts to injure someone, dad (and the caregivers) should be instructed to call 911 and have her transported to the ER for evaluation. While there, someone needs to get the social work department involved in getting her admitted for a psych workup to get her stabilized on meds.
Alternatives are to look into an involuntary psychiatric hospitalization (called Baker Act in some states).
There are also senior behavioral units in some locations. Has her doctor been contacted and does s/he have any ideas?