Is anyone else dealing with an alcohol-dependent parent with mental decline?

slugo44, How are you? Update on your situation? My mom ended up being contained in a senior mental health facility for these last two weeks. They will not discharge her to me or to return to her home. Only a safe environment. We have finally gotten her to agree to move into assisted living. Fortunately, she has the funds for it. I've spent the last several days picking a place. This is a good change for us and the places are wonderful. It's so hard making this decision to take mom's freedom away, but she has a proven track record now of poor decision-making and clearly needs the structure and oversight. slugo44, hoping your situation is going in a good direction....

My 87 yr old mother is not a drinker but all the other symptoms you describe, Mom has. She and my 93 yr old father who has declining Alzheimer’s symptoms have lived with us for just over one year. We say Mom fluctuates between Dr Jeckle and Mrs Hyde! It’s difficult to know what to expect when you enter her room. She is incontenent and immobile just recently due to scoliosis. My husband and I are just completing a week vacation. My uncle and aunt moved into our home to care for my folks while we recoup. It took me 5 days to finally relax and we are returning home tomorrow. The caregiving just doesn’t end. Gotta take a break whenever possible

My father had cancer and was in the hospital. This was back in 1998 and he was an alcoholic. He actually got the doctor to write him a prescription that he could have a beer every night at 5pm in the hospital. My aunt and uncle brought him a 6 pack of beer and they kept it at the nurses station. After they left he asked for a beer and they said it was gone!! Needless to say my father had a fit!!! The nurse went out and bought him a new 6 pack. Ya just can’t make this stuff up!!!

Yes, she went to the hospital and they did the eval. = nothing. Thank you for the words of wisdom. I am going to put assistance in place for December and see how she does with that. It might be just what we need at this point. I worry about her falling but she refuses a walker. UGH

Yes I can relate!!!! Growing up my father was the alcoholic and me mother NEVER drank growing up. When I became an adult she became a gambling addict and when she could no longer drive 3 years ago she became a full fledged alcoholic. She’s an alcoholic at age 95!!! One minute she’s fine and then after drinking she gets mean!!! I can relate!!!

I too am an only child and dealing with an alcoholic mother. It's so tough! Mom lives alone down the street from me and really should not be living alone. She is only 77 and became a late-in-life drinker (I did not grow up in an alcoholic household). She is still capable of making her own decisions. She says she will "die" in her house and refuses to move to any sort of senior living arrangement. I've been rolling with this for several years, ups and downs, it's like there are two moms and it depends on the level of drinking, etc. She starts her day at the local convenience store at 7 AM, driving there (it's about a mile away) and then spends her day sipping wine and is a nasty mess by noon (or earlier). She's been Baker-Acted twice, had several rounds of time in a senior mental health facility. She comes out vowing to change but then I see the decline in attitude and the drinking creeps back in. Then we are at crisis stage and there is a fall, hospitalization, wash-rinse-repeat. Obviously, a toxic situation - not something I can entertain moving in with me, etc. etc. My husband and I run a small business together which is very time consuming. We are 52 and 54, still really in prime working years so the drama has definitely damaged our work/income situation because we work as independent contractors and sometimes have to turn away work to deal with the distractions. In her guilt, she has given me some money, which I take to offset the damage to my business & mental health. I have no words of wisdom other than to protect yourself and your family as best as you can. My mom used to be a super-smart, super-strong and self-disciplined person (she was even a competitive marathon runner). I would say if my mom can't change, most people in this situation probably can't.

Your mom is probably suffering from alcoholic dementia or one of the related dementia's that go hand in hand with excessive drinking. Check out this website:

https://www.dementia.org.au/about-dementia/types-of-dementia/alcohol-related-dementia

Personality changes are common with alcoholic dementia, so that's probably what you're seeing. Stomach ulcers can be tricky; alcohol aggravates them something awful, and sometimes, a person won't want to eat solid food, which is why she likes Ensure drinks.

Anyway, it sounds like your mother is going to need Assisted Living or Memory Care now, or in the very near future, so look into a facility that has a continuum of care. I would NOT get her in the habit of staying with you 80% of the time or that will turn into 100% of the time in short order. As an only child, don't let guilt or misguided obligation force you into taking her in. In cases of dementia, it's generally way MORE than what an ordinary person (like you) can handle at home alone.

Get her to the doctor for a full work up and see what her GP recommends moving forward. Another cognizance test is in order as well, to see where she's at NOW vs. where she was at when originally diagnosed with MCI.

Best of luck!

I would move her to AL, my mother has the same basic issues, we have just placed her. They are doing a good job of controlling her, she can't pull all the crap on them, they know how to deal with her without all the drama and emotional BS.

Time to back off and let the trained professionals deal with her. She has tested them for days, they have prevailed, she is 94 and is an alcoholic.

I'm sorry you are gong through this, I too am dealing with both dementia and addiction (alcohol and opiates). When they overlap it's hard to tell sometimes what is causing what, it's frustrating to say the least.

The next time your mom wants to go to the hospital I suggest taking her and push for an admission so she can get a thorough evaluation. If she is no longer capable of living alone then alternate plans will have to be made. That doesn't mean she has to move in with you, it means alternate plans will have to be made for her. Has there been any discussion about where mom will go when she can no longer live alone? Does your mom have resources for assisted living?

While there let the doctor know about the alcohol use so they can medicate her for any withdrawal.