I have tried to put up with the verbal abuse from my husband for so long now. Don’t know how much longer I can do this. He has dementia.

I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through, Flamingo. Others have given great advice about a facility, however temporary or permanent.

For short-term help, can you two afford paying a caregiver for a day or two a week? Even a few hours a week might help give you a desperately needed respite. If not, or so and to augment a paid caregiver, do you belong to a group who might be able to keep your husband company while you rest or go out?

You matter too! *hug*

I work as a receptionist at a Memory Care Assisted Living community. Every day I see husbands & wives who were forced to place their loved in care here. It wasn't for 'lack of love', but because their care became TOO MUCH for them to bear alone, at home, with no help and no support. In reality, it takes a TEAM to care for a person suffering the ravages of dementia and it can reach a point where it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to perform that level of care at home. The behaviors associated with dementia/Alzheimer's can be SO overwhelming and obnoxious that no one human being can deal with it 24/7, let's face it.

Why not tour your local Memory Care communities and find one you like for your husband? You don't have to 'prove' he has dementia...........the staff will do an assessment and let you know if they find him to be a suitable fit for their community. You can visit him every day if you like, they way others do here where I work. Some come twice a day to see their husband/wife. We even have an ex wife who comes to visit her ex husband a few times a week! They are still on good terms with one another & I know he enjoys the visits.

Placing him in Memory Care is a win-win situation for BOTH of you. You get away from the abuse and he gets a new life with people he can relate to and a whole team of caregivers trained to deal with his specific issues. Hopefully, you can afford the care. If not, look into Skilled Nursing via Medicaid.

Best of luck!

If you place him somewhere because you need help it doesn’t mean that you are breaking your wedding vows. If anything, you care more. You can’t care for him if you are burning out.

You have a lot on your plate, it’s getting to be too much. It’s okay to admit that. Of course, you may feel guilty but there are other wives on this forum that will tell you that they had to place their husband. It will be an adjustment but also a relief because you will be able to get much needed rest.

You can still be with him. You just need someone to help care for him. Get to know the staff. You will learn his routine. It will become easier for you and you will be glad that you reached out for help.

Hugs! Please let us know how you and your husband are doing.

Well, if he can afford it, I would place him in AL until the VA comes through. You don't need to prove that he is incompetent to place him in AL. If they testing comes back confirming he has dementia he can then be moved to MC.

Many homes have step up programs, my mother and step father both are in one, now in AL, then can be moved to MC.

Do something now, the decision can be changed later, it is not cast in stone.