My dad has advanced dementia. He has been in a nursing home (NH) now for 11 months getting care. He is bladder and bowel incontinent and practically unable to walk; mostly wheelchair bound and VERY confused. The times my family has tried to take him out of the NH, he gets agitated and confused very quickly and wants to "go back home" which is basically his room/floor in the NH. But I feel TERRIBLE leaving him there on Thanksgiving day when the family all gathers elsewhere. I am trying to decide if I should just try to bring him knowing that we might only stay for a few minutes and have to leave - at least I could say I tried? My biggest concerns are, we don't have a wheelchair. Maybe the NH would let us borrow one? And my brother's house has stairs to get in the house and stairs inside the house but my brothers/husband/son could surely carry him in the wheelchair. The other part is if he soils himself - I would need to be able to clean/change him, which I have not done before. I just can't make up my mind about what to do! Any advice?
Thank you!
Maggie
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No, you shouldn't.
Holidays are one-day events for people who are in good enough mental and physical condition to enjoy them. Forcing someone who's not mentally or physically capable of celebrating a holiday to 'enjoy' it because it's what everyone else is doing doesn't make a bit of sense. Enjoy your holiday with your loved ones, and separately with your father, in a safer, more controlled environment where there will be little or no stress to him involved.
Either eat a Thanksgiving meal with him over at the NH, or bring him a meal he can eat at his own leisure.
It's okay to enjoy the holiday without feeling guilty that your father is 'missing out'. He's not.
I appreciate your insight. ❤
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Please do what is right for him, you do not need to impress anyone and there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty.
Let him be and enjoy your day knowing that he is safe and secure in his "Home".
if you want, bring him a tray of his favourite TG foods, either later in the day or on Friday.
The same applies to Christmas.
Guilt is for doing something morally wrong which is often also not legal. You have not done anything to warrant guilt.