For those who are married, do you ever think about if you would like to die before your spouse?

I would like to go first, personally. I almost think that is a normal feeling. You just cannot imagine handling it all after, I think. I can't at least.

My DH has been hard of hearing since an accident at about 4. Because of the type of damage he hears but has a hard time distinguishing words. He is now deaf in the damaged ear and maybe 20% hearing in his right and that is with an aid. I am sure he would be lost without me. I am his ears. I make his calls. I tell him what is being said and asked when we are out with friends. He is basically an introvert because of his hearing. He does golf and work in the yard but he doesn't socialize. Actually gives him a headache trying to hear. So, it would be better for him to go before me. Me, I could adjust.

Because my husband and I met late in life we both had learned to be alone and independent after our divorces. We have each stated a wish to die first, but really I think both of us would be just fine being alone again. We cherish this time we have together and hope for good health, physical and mental. But if those problems come up later we have experience now with my mom that should help us know better how to handle it.

I do think about it sometimes. I think my husband would be better able to cope if I went first, than I would if he went first. He’s just stronger that way. This whole process with caring for my mom then my stepdad has left me with a very negative attitude about getting old.

I always hoped my wife would die first so she wouldn’t have to experience the awful crushing loneliness. She did and so she didn't.

NHWM, interesting question. I cared for mom with Alzheimer's and her hubby with general age related decline for four years. He and I would talk about this occasionally, he was torn on the one hand he wanted to die last so he could continue to help mom. But, was afraid of how sad she would be. I don't know if she even recognized he was gone, as deep as she was in her disease.

On the other hand he wanted to die first so he would not have to witness my mom's continued decline. The disease had completely ravaged her brain.

He died first on their 10th anniversary and mom's 90th birthday. I believe he waited for that 10th anniversary as he believed mom's social security benefit would increase. It didn't, according to ts2, because mom's pension was too much.