Hello, my mom was recently moved to an assisted living facility. Our family has had a lot going on in the last few months. My Dad passed away unexpectedly in August, she fell and broke her hip in Sept, she was in a rehab facility, did well with her therapy. During her recovery time, we set up an assisted living place for her and moved her to there afterwards. She has been there for 6 weeks, as nice as it is, it is not her home. She is a vibrant lady, who although we see memory issues, she is far far from being that bad. She has never been diagnosed professionally with dementia. She has had a lot of shock of course in the last few months, Dad passing, her breaking the hip, the anesthesia really affected her, she was really out there with her personality for a few weeks, but it subsided after that. Now here is the bad part. We were able to convince her that this AL facility was a step down for her and she seemed to agree with it. Since then her PT that she was receiving at the AL has subsided. The PT has contacted me numerous times that she has met all goals and is doing well,still on a walker, but doing well, will be using a walker for who knows how long. She thinks she is going HOME and is ready to go. She brings it up each time we speak, I live out of state, but can go frequently, and do. I am the POA and have been doing all or most of the business end of the dealings with bills, business affairs, etc. I am so confused, since I see her point totally that she needs to stay, and then I for sure see the point that she wants to go home, her home of 45 years. My parents took great care of their home, and it is small enough and one story, so she could get around pretty easy. Mom is very very independent and is starting to get very anxious being there at the facility, nice enough of course, but... not very much interaction with the residents, they eat, and then go back to their rooms, she is bored out of her mind, and tells me so constantly. I have a family member who thinks that this is the place for her and she needs to stay, again, I am not saying that this isn't true, but we are keeping it from her, she thinks that Medicare is paying the monthly cost, they are not, she is. She is very frugal and always has been, she would be very upset at us. I would love to give her a try at home. She would definitely have stipulations.. no driving, a home health coming a few hours each day, life alert, and a housekeeper. Mom is picky and her house would bother her if it wasn't just right in her mind. She has many friends and neighbors, who would check in on her, not daily of course, but I know we could count on a few to do so. She has a little cat that she loves, and I am keeping her, she asks about the cat, and can't wait to go home to her. I want to take her home, and in my opinion, she should be given a chance. She isn't rich by any means and her money will run in 5-6 years at the rate she is going. This facility is expensive and I see it would be better to take the money when we need it if she gets worse. She will be 80 next month. Longevity is in her family, so who knows how long she will live. She needs to know and I hate to lie to her, the other family members think it is fine to just continue to tell her that she is paying for it, I need to confront my siblings and put a stop to this. She deserves better. thanks
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My husband and I also caring for my brother, who is a stroke survivor. My mother will have nothing to do with my husband. Over time, it just wasn’t working.
I agree with response below. Do your homework regarding Medicaid for your state. You need to plan carefully in event she outlives her savings.
My question is this; you are at a distance and you are POA. You visit mom.
How long are you there with mom? For a full day? Or for a couple of hours during daylight hours? How much care and reassurance does mom need over the course of 24 hours? Is she safe and feeling secure overnight in her home? Does she "sundown"?
Say you get her home with a couple hours of aides a day and a housekeeper once a week. Will she be calling neighbors and family in the middle of the night?
(This is what my mom did and no, she didn't have a dx of dementia at the time, she was "just" horribly anxious). Can you go into this "going home" with Plan B in mind?
Does she forget to use her walker, or think that it's unnecessary?
Does mom need Assisted Living or would Independent Living be enough of a support (this is what we found with my mom; she just needed there to be staff around 24/7, not "care", just knowing that she could walk out into the hallway and see someone she trusted was enough).
Have you had a "needs assessment" by an independent (not someone from the AL) agent, like the local Area Agency on Aging, or an Occupational Therapist, whose services can be ordered by her doctor?
I think that you are seeing this situation in black and white, when in reality, it has many shades of grey.
And as to money--if you do decide to place mom long term, you MUST make sure that it is a place that will accept her as a Medicaid long term care client after a certain number of years of private pay. That is no possible in all states, but DO look at Medicaid qualifications in her state.
A consultation with a certified Eldercare attorney in your state is something you should strongly consider.
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Then have someone from maybe Office of Aging go into Moms house and see what needs to be done to make it safe for her.
Then "lay down the law" to Mom.😊 If she needs to use a walker, she must to keep from falling again and ended up where she is. If driving is a problem, then tell her for now she can't drive. Remove all keys and park the car somewhere else other than her house.
Office of Aging should be able to tell u what resources are in your area to help keep Mom independent.
When the elderly go under, it can take a while for the anethesia to work its way out of the body. Mom may recoup better at home. You can try it, and tell her that. Tell her ur looking out for her safety.