What options do we have when a parent wants to sign himself out of VA hospital & we are not equipped to deal with his care at home?

Do NOT bring him home

Insist to the hospital SW the home environment is not safe and you cannot provide the level of care your father needs. Do not let them talk you into taking him home based on some promises of help. They are required to provide a safe discharge, most likely into a rehab. If he improves enough in rehab, he may be able to come home later. If not, the rehab may lead to a NH placement. Tell your father he isn't well enough to come home and must get stronger in rehab before there's any chance of going home.

His unreasonable demands may indicate some dementia, so I would also request an evaluation while he is in the hospital.

Remember your primary goal is a _safe_ environment for both your parents.

You need to tell the hospital social worker and head nurse that it is not safe at home for your father. You do not have the ability to take care of him alone. They either need to keep him there or provide full time care in your home( which they won't). Keep trying to gently convince your father that it is not safe for him either at home. If they do somehow send him home, call 911 as soon as needed and send him back.

Stick with rehab. It does wonders! My mom did rehab in her 90’s. Home health is good too but it isn’t the same intensity as staying in a facility for a stricter rehab program.

He will gain strength if he works hard at it. The occupational and physical therapist told me that my mother gave her all. I know that she did because she did the same in home health which she did several times.

I may have had difficulty with my mother about other issues but none concerning her dedication to home health or rehab.

I wouldn’t even make up excuses. I would simply say to him that this is for his own good. Mom can’t handle you if you aren’t strong enough. Don’t threaten to divorce her. That’s cruel to say.

We are not going to allow you to go home. You called the hospital to get help. You know that you need help. This time you will honor your commitment to stay in the hospital. We will not bring you home.

Does he have money to call a cab? Do you think that he could get a ride home with someone? Tell the staff or anyone else that it is in his best interest to complete the program.

Tend to your mom. Sounds like she has been through the mill. Maybe treat her to a nice lunch or dinner out occasionally while he is in the hospital.

Best wishes to you and your family.