Feeling dispair before even starting my day with dad. I go to his studio apartment 4 days a week to find broken items, sticky spills,etc.

My husband had a brain tumor, it changed his entire personality, he became abusive both mentally & physically.

I don't quite understand your state deal, but, I would highly recommend that you place him in a home.

Start your life over, get a job, plan for your future.

Another vote for you to reevaluate being his caregiver. You may be getting paid but it is a dead-end job (pun intended).

it sounds like your father is not competent enough to be living alone. And, if you are “feeling despair” over caring for him, you probably shouldn’t be his caregiver. You say he’s been diagnosed with a brain tumor and you also suspect he has dementia. His behavior may be entirely due to this. Who will care for him after his surgery? If you don’t need the state funds to make a living, I’d look into a home health aide for him, or at least someone to come in and clean.

Well in your profile there is much more going on and for those issues, you may need to reevaluate whether or not you really want to be his care giver.

My Dad is 90, he does not have dementia, is a stroke survivor, is in generally good health.

However, he cannot pick anything up off the floor any more. He has a reacher, but it is not good for spills, cannot pick up paper etc. It may work for a sock, but will not for a hanky. He cannot wipe up any spills that hit the floor. He will try to drop paper towels on a spill, but it is not really effective, just glues the paper towel to the floor. I do not think he has ever used a mop in his life, but now it is not manageable at all. Even a Swiffer wet cleaner would be far too challenging for him. He has a cleaning lady come every 2 weeks to deal with the spills and dropped items.

What is your Dad breaking and where? It could indicate that he needs more supports. My Dad uses a cane, so only has one hand free to carry. Unfortunately he has to use his cane in his stronger hand, which means he only has his weaker stroke damaged hand to use to carry things.

It must be so frustrating for you to be in this situation.