Keep or get rid of caregiver?

I would fire her on the spot. My mother on occasion tried to bite her granddaughter, especially when she is tired, and wants her to do some exercises. I would never put up with a caregiver biting my mother. Your poor mother!

Thank you for the responses, yes my mother has dementia, I feel as if she has a difficult time understanding since she does not see nor hear well either, it is so very sad, and I am having a hard time with my emotions about this.

My sister had the audacity to hire an attorney (over a year ago) to attempt to take the POA away from me. Of course she is fine with me taking care of my mother, but just wants to control her money, since she lives 1,000 miles away and has not visited in over 4 years (she always has some excuse as to why she can't come). It would really be nice for her to say "thank you for taking care of mom, what can I do to help.." but instead I had to block her and her husband's calls, and her texts to me, since she lies and when she last spoke to our mom she tells her that she is going to die...who frickin does this?

I realize that this is no picnic, I love my mom very dearly, and believe that 5 years ago when my mom gave me POA because she trusts me. Is anyone else having family dynamics?

Since your caregiver reacted physically (biting), she needs to be let go. All of us amateur caregivers have reached that point of frustration, but a professional should be better trained. If you hired her from a professional care-giving service, they need to know. If you hired her independently, then I'd suggest looking at a professional service for your next caregiver.

I don't think you need to make a big deal out of it. Simply letter her go. She had a reflex reaction, but there is no guarantee it won't happen again. There are really well-trained caregivers out there that may be better suited to care for your mom; you just need to find them. :-)

That being said, perhaps the question you should be asking is "Why is my mom reacting so violently?" Isthisreally touched on it a bit, but there may be something else bothering your mom (physical or emotional) that she no longer has the ability to articulate, so she lashes out physically. It could be as "simple" as she's absolutely horrified that she soiled herself, and having someone help take care of it is even worse. Or, it could be something physical, so I would see a doctor about anything you might suspect.

Elder Abuse . There is no reason that can be rationalized for a caregiver to lay a hand or in this case biting a client. She may be burned out, or just trying to show her how it feels but it is not appropriate and I would show her the door.

I have a question, why does mom have to get up after she has soiled herself? A well trained caregiver would change her in bed and let it go.

I wonder if she isn't experiencing some pain and since she can't articulate that, she is striking out trying to stop the cause of her pain.

Can you get the caregiver some additional training and a vacation?

If she is burned out, her judgment is only going to go downhill.

Have you talked to her about her being overwhelmed or in over her head? It's okay if mom has declined beyond her skill level, she just needs to fess up.

This is abuse and should be reported. No ifs, ands, or buts.

I agree that mom’s behavior should be addressed by the physician. However, I have witnessed many combative patients who act out because of the way a caregiver is treating them. People assume it’s dementia but they are merely acting out in defense.

This caregiver has no understanding about dementia. I give her a tiny credit for informing you. But, unless she agrees to take a class about caring for patients with dementia (on her own nickel) so that she will react like a professional towards a very vulnerable person, she goes. I use an agency for my 2 LOs that require care. Yes it is more money but you have much less hassle and more accountability and backup when issues like this occur. Or, as suggest below, maybe time to transition her to good care community. Wishing you peace!

I am assuming Mom has Dementia?

It may have just been a reaction. She didn't have to fess up. If she is a good caregiver I might let that go. See how things go for now.

So the CG told you she bit your mother back after being bitten??? Good lord, the girl has GOT to go..........sounds like she's TRYING to get fired! This is one of the most unacceptable incidents I've read here on the forum, and there have been lots!

Good luck finding new CGs for your mom, or better yet, getting her placed.

I understand the concept behind the action, however, a caregiver should know that she is not dealing with a child and showing her how much her actions hurt doesn't create a learning moment.

Resorting to physical violence is always a deal breaker in my opinion. This isn't a kill or be killed situation where it is justified in the least.

Could it be time for a village for your mom?